In commemoration of the Lenten season, a top ten list of things that show you just aren’t taking Lent seriously.
10. You think Ash Wednesday is kind of like “Downtown after Five,” only on Wednesday and only once a year.
9. You decide what to wear to Ash Wednesday service by asking yourself, “Now, what goes with ash gray?”
8. You ask the minister if the ashes on your forehead can be reinforced with permanent marker since yours always wash off before anyone really sees them.
7. You keep saying, “What’s the big deal about Lent? Just clean the dryer filter and shut up about it.”
6. You hire a house keeper for the season. (All this ashes to ashes and dust to dust stuff will bother your allergies.)
5. Someone speaks about giving up chocolate for Lent and you, eager to be of assistance, hold out your hand and say, “Well if you’re not going to eat it . . . .”
4. You, a teetotaler, announce that in honor of the Lenten season, you have given up all alcoholic beverages.
3. You give up boasting for Lent and make sure everyone knows about it.
2. You give up sweets for Lent. Except for Fridays when you always have celebratory cheesecake. And Wednesday’s because the dessert at church supper is always so yummy. And Tuesdays—Book Club. And in the office (it would just be rude not to partake). And on birthdays. And naturally St. Patrick’s Day. But you’re giving up sweets for Lent. No question.
And the number one way to show you are not taking Lent seriously is . . .
1. You have your friend film you every time you deny yourself due to Lenten sacrifice. You set the video to the song, “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” and post it on YouTube.