Most would agree that conflict in human relationships is inevitable, even normal. Managed, conflict can cause us to identify needed changes and creates energy enough to make them. It can be a catalyst causing growth.
It can cause us to carefully examine our own attitudes and levels of understanding. Conflict can force us to accept changes we would rather ignore.
Like fire, conflict has positive effects when contained.
But we are all aware of the other side of conflict, too. We have witnessed its destructive power. We have seen people drop out of church altogether, churches have split and fast friends have parted ways.
For conflict to create positive consequences, the parties involved need to want peace. Confronting conflict with good will and good containment techniques is essential. But containment after it has become destructive is not enough. Damage to relationships and the reputation of the church will have already been done.
A fire department responding to an alarm may be able to contain the flames and prevent a building from being destroyed completely, but some destruction has already been done. This is why most fire departments devote time and resources to fire prevention. Building codes require sprinkler systems in public buildings and regular inspections are made to keep risk of fire to a minimum.
Deacons and other church leaders must know how to fight the fires of conflict, but even more importantly, they must be adept at peacemaking—a job to which every Christian is called. In saying that peacemakers would be called the children of God, Jesus was not addressing only a select few followers, but all. How does a deacon, other church leader or any church member make peace?
In this Leadership Link series on preventing conflict, we will first consider the example of Christ himself and identify those characteristics within his own character that made peace. Then, in subsequent installments we will look at the example of the early church.
What about Jesus made him a peacemaker?
Consider his humility
Paul, the apostle, wrote to leaders of the early church in Philippi saying, “Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.” Then, to drive home the point, Paul continued, “He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!”
The art of setting one’s self aside is not as easy is it might appear. Each of us has ego needs. Everybody wants to be somebody. Humility is acting on the understanding that in the spiritual dimension the way we become somebody is to let others be somebody first. Jesus demonstrated both the understanding and the action.
To his followers, who, incidentally were arguing over who was going to be greater in the kingdom, Jesus told them plainly that in the realm of his kingdom, “Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not to be served—and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage."
But Jesus was not speaking theoretically. In the upper room while celebrating the Passover the night before he was crucified, Jesus did what none of his followers was willing to do. He took the towel and basin and washed the feet of the others. Humility is recognizing that in Christ’s kingdom the way we become somebody is to make others feel like somebody.
Consider his sacrifice
Except for religious usage, describing meritorious military conduct and signifying an out that scores a run in baseball, the word sacrifice isn’t used much anymore. The emphasis of our age and culture is on accumulation, not sacrifice. We tend to place a premium on getting and winning. But if deacons are to follow the example of Jesus in making peace, they cannot escape the sacrificial attitude he adopted.
In an age that has seen a decade of war we have witnessed too many sacrifices on the battlefield. These men and women lost their lives in defense of a greater good—for a cause that was greater than their individual selves. Ironically, that’s the spirit necessary to make peace.
The spirit of sacrifice should not be confused with being a doormat, however. Just because Jesus had a sacrificial attitude did not mean that he did everything people wanted him to do. On the contrary, he did what the Father wanted him to do. At times the Father wants us to limit our personal freedoms, rights, and opinions for the sake of the body of Christ.
If a sacrificial attitude should not be confused with being a doormat, neither should it be confused with suppressing feelings. We should not bury or ignore our feelings. Buried feelings rise again—often at unfortunate times and in inappropriate ways. Jesus did not ignore his fear and grief when facing the cross. Rather, he identified them, admitted them to the Father, dealt with them and then sacrificed himself for the salvation of the world in spite of them.
Likewise, deacons and other church leaders may be called upon to sacrifice their personal wants for the sake of the body. I once knew of a church having a history that stretched back more than a century. In many ways this church represented the best of rural religious life. But the church was no longer rural. In fact, a major city had expanded its limits beyond the church. What was once farmland now sprouted condos, subdivisions and shopping centers.
Two factions developed in this old church. One group, made up mostly of newer people, pressed for change. They wanted to abandon heritage and adapt to new surroundings. The other group, led by an elderly deacon, wanted things—and leaders—to stay just as they had been for years. Unfortunately for the church, both groups failed to recognize that change does not have to destroy heritage, and neither was willing to sacrifice some of what they wanted for the greater good of the church to achieve a win/win solution.
In the next installment we will consider more of Jesus’ example in making peace.
Jim White is executive editor at the Religious Herald. ([email protected]) Much of this material was gleaned from the author’s previous writing in a book called Equipping Deacons to Confront Conflict (Nashville, Baptist Sunday School Board, 1987).
Related stories:
• Blessed are the church leaders who make peace in their own congregations, part 4
• Blessed are the church leaders who make peace in their own congregations, part 3
• Blessed are the church leaders who make peace in their own congregations, part 2