In a world where everyone cycles through being an expert, the week after the Super Bowl typically turns into everyone posing as professional semioticians, offering their artistic analysis of the Super Bowl halftime show and the game. Most often, this devolves into conservatives fussing about the halftime show being too sexual or woke.
But this year is different because conservatives were so preemptively hot and bothered by the NFL choosing the Spanish-speaking artist Bad Bunny that they created an entirely separate alternative halftime show of their own.
“You see all these foreigners speaking a foreign language with foreign flags marching into the camera like a caravan!” Fox News host Jesse Watters yelled. “This was an open borders moment.”
Megyn Kelly shouted at Piers Morgan: “To get up there and perform the whole show in Spanish is a middle finger to the rest of America. Who gives a damn that we have 40 million Spanish speakers in the United States? We have 310 million who don’t speak a lick of Spanish!”
She went on to claim that English is the official language of the United States despite the fact it isn’t.
“This is supposed to be a unifying event for the country, not for the Latinos!” Kelly yelled, mimicking a Spanish accent and shaking her shoulders on the word “Latinos.”
“We have to keep the Super Bowl,” Kelly demanded. “Football — that kind of football — is ours! They call it American football! And the halftime show and everything around it needs to stay quintessentially American, not Spanish, not Muslim, not anything other than good old-fashioned American apple pie! There should be a meatloaf, maybe some fried chicken, and an English-speaking performer!”
Of course, nothing about Bad Bunny’s halftime show had anything to do with Muslims. But facts are beside the point in this story.
Unfortunately for conservatives, they’re having to fight their annual Super Bowl culture war on two fronts this week because in addition to their annual outrage over the Super Bowl halftime show, they’re also having to defend their own alternative halftime show from accusations of being overly sexualized.
TPUSA, TBN and Kid Rock?
As I covered on Monday night’s episode of “Highest Power: Church + State,” those of us who grew up in conservative Baptist churches found it quite ironic to see TPUSA partnering with the Trinity Broadcasting Network and inviting Kid Rock as their headline performer for the alternative halftime show.
Of course, you can’t expect any rock musician to be an evangelical purist who completely refrains from any mention of sexuality in their lyrics. But Kid Rock’s lyrics are concerning, especially in light of the sexual abuse coverups in the Epstein Files, and in conservative churches.
For example, in his song “Cool Daddy Cool,” Kid Rock sings, “Young ladies, young ladies. I like ’em underage. Some say that’s statutory, But I say it’s mandatory.”
Another concerning video that resurfaced was of Kid Rock on Saturday Night Live in 2001 referring to the 14-year-old Olsen twins and asking, “Why is every guy in America waiting for these chicks to turn 18? I mean, you know what I say: If there’s grass on the field, play ball!”
This is who TPUSA and TBN decided would be a great headliner to provide a faith and family friendly alternative to Bad Bunny?
From topless dancers to singing about Jesus
While Kid Rock is receiving most of the criticism this week, the other artists weren’t exactly family friendly either, if we’re following conservative evangelical purity standards to code.
Brantley Gilbert’s songs included such lyrics as “Man this shit is gettin’ old,” “talkin’ shit,” and “whip his ass.”
Gabby Barrett sang, “And then I hope she cheats like you did on me.”
Lee Bryce sang about belonging to “the drinking class,” about living in a “cancel your ass world” and went on singing about drinking to the point of needing your wife to give you “a million second chances,” as if that’s a good thing and not cause for divorce due to alcohol abuse.
So it should be no surprise that Kid Rock took the stage and started singing about “topless dancers,” “chicks with beepers,” and “hookers,” among other references to drugs, sex and crime.
After his first song ended, TPUSA featured a video of Antonio and Alison Marin — who often play the cello and violin at Christian nationalist events — before Kid Rock came back on stage, was referred to by his real name (Robert Richie) and covered Cody Johnson’s song “’Til You Can’t.”
Then Kid Rock added a new verse.
“You know I awoke one Sunday morning, all alone, with this song stuck in my head. And in that moment, something or someone spoke to me. They said there was still a verse that needed to be written for this song and to get up and write it down,” he said.
The verse mentioned a dusty Bible, and then Jesus hanging from the Cross before adding, “You can give your life to Jesus and he’ll give you a second chance ’til you can’t.”
Cue the professional evangelical semioticians
Some conservatives like Megan Basham began frantically trying to translate Bad Bunny’s lyrics into English from the real halftime show to see how sexualized they were and concluding they were “the most obscene lyrics ever to be performed at a Super Bowl halftime.” Others like U.S. congressman Andy Ogles raged, “American culture will not be mocked or corrupted without consequence.”
Christmas greeting card from Andy Ogles and family.
“Children were forced to endure explicit displays of gay sexual acts, women gyrating provocatively and Bad Bunny shamelessly grabbing his crotch while dry humping the air,” he claimed. Ogles — who also has been after Belmont University in Nashville and is a known right-wing zealot — also mentioned “widespread twerking.”
Maybe he doesn’t realize twerking has been part of American dance since the 1990s.
Now the Tennessee Republican is demanding “a formal congressional inquiry into the National Football League and NBC immediately for their prior knowledge, deliberate approval and facilitation of this indecent broadcast.”
But amid their panic, the reality soon began to set in that conservatives had a problem of their own regarding the sexualized language in their own halftime show, and TPUSA’s prior knowledge, deliberate approval and facilitation of what went down.
When Allie Beth Stuckey posted, “Kid Rock is over here sharing the gospel,” Christianity Today senior contributor Mike Cosper responded with, “Only after singing about ‘Midnight glances at the topless dancers’ and ‘the G’s with the 40’s and the chicks with beepers.’”
Alisa Childers
After acknowledging Kid Rock’s lyrics about topless dancers, apologist Alisa Childers offered an explanation: “Then it went abruptly to an unexpectedly beautiful and somber string interlude before he was introduced by his real name, where he sang about second chances. In that context, he encouraged viewers to read their Bibles and give their hearts to Jesus. As an artist, it seemed very clear to me that the whole performance was his salvation arc.”
Childers concluded: “No one is beyond redemption. No one is outside of God’s invitation for salvation. I really liked his performance.”
So this is like a testimony at a revival meeting where the preacher details all the bad things he did to emphasize what he got saved from.
YouTube influencer Jon Root agreed with Childers, noting the lyrics about topless dancers and suggesting, “It felt worldly, which I believe was the point.” But because the song about Jesus came at the end, he concluded, “This was supposed to be an artistic way of portraying a redemption story.”
“He was once lost like all the people he was naming in the first song but is now born again thanks to his faith in Jesus,” wrote another. “The old is gone and the new has come. He is a new creation in Christ Jesus!”
Other posts on social media falsely claimed Kid Rock never has been called by his real name on stage before and thus this was an artistic way of symbolizing his true Christian identity coming out.
Some even tried to find symbolism in his lip syncing. One person claimed, “He also appeared to be lip syncing most of the Kid Rock song. I’m sure there’s some symbolism in that. Nothing political — just pointing toward Jesus, singing as himself!”
Then another said, “The lip syncing to ‘Bawitdaba’ was so very obvious and off sync. This was, I think, on purpose — showing that’s not what he is about anymore.”
Reality check
To take these Kid Rock conversion conspiracy theories the least bit seriously is likely an exercise in futility. But it can be helpful to demonstrate how wrong they are in this situation as an illustration of how wrong they are in much more serious stories.
The order of songs doesn’t necessarily mean anything. At Trump’s inauguration victory rally, Kid Rock closed with “Bawitdaba.” Also, during his latest Honda Rodeo Fest tour, he sang “’Til You Can’t” first and then closed with “Bawitdaba.” So are we to conclude from that order of songs that he de-converted?
During that same tour, Donald Trump referred to Kid Rock as “Bob” and said, “Let’s Make America Rock Again” as an introduction to “Bawitdaba.” So are we to conclude based on his real name being mentioned that he’s showing his true self there instead of during the Jesus song?
Also, just six weeks ago, Kid Rock posted a picture of himself holding a “F*** Off: I’m Coloring Dicks” coloring book and a wooden dick party snack tray.
In other words, TPUSA and TBN knew ahead of time who Kid Rock was and what Kid Rock values and yet they still chose to platform him for their supposedly faith and family friendly halftime show that they advertised for families with their children to tune into.
I guess Pat Boone, at age 91, was not available.
In reality, the reason their halftime show so abruptly went from Kid Rock singing about topless dancers to the Marins on their cello and violin wasn’t due to a work of artistic genius by Kid Rock, but because the show was pre-recorded.
That’s why Kid Rock appeared to be lip syncing so badly. In fact, he was so bothered by how he came across that he went on Fox News to tell Laura Ingraham he was going to fly his DJ into Nashville to do the song live in his living room to show how it wasn’t lip synced. He said, “I even told (TPUSA) when I saw the rough cut, I was like, ‘You guys gotta work on that sync. It’s off.’”
The next day, as promised, he introduced his DJ who “flew down from Detroit this evening just so we can make this video for you.” He explained how when he performs the song live, he has to stop rapping to take a breath. So he usually performs that song with his DJ filling in the sections where he needs to breathe. But he said TPUSA didn’t think to get any video footage of his DJ during their taping. Then in a scene that looked like it could’ve been straight from the Barbie movie’s Kendomland, the two of them rapped the song together in Kid Rock’s living room, with Kid Rock taking deep breaths where he would in the show, just to prove he wasn’t lip syncing.
Then after affirming TPUSA’s production team despite being so humiliated by their cut that he had to fly in his DJ to prove he wasn’t lip syncing, he gave the middle finger to “the haters and the trolls out there.”
Kid Rock’s insecurity is matched only by the insecurity of white evangelicals.
Celebrity culture and insecurity
Conservatives claiming Kid Rock singing about topless dancers during their halftime show was simply a way to show his spiritual journey of coming to Jesus is the height of naiveté and wishful thinking. Those who make this claim are willingly letting themselves get played because they have an obsession with celebrities due to the insecurity their theology produces in them.
Whether they’re excited about Gary Busey or Nicolas Cage starring in rapture movies, Kanye West or Russell Brand being featured in worship albums or Kid Rock singing about dusty Bibles and Jesus, they have decades of obsession with celebrities supposedly becoming baby Christians and legitimizing their theology on the world stage. And when these examples arise, they often explain away the red flags and eventually end up with egg on their face.
At some point, white evangelicals need to start noticing these smaller examples of how they’re being played by celebrities, how their influencers explain away reality and wonder if perhaps they’ve also been played by Trump when their influencers explain away all his red flags too.
Then we can begin having some honest conversations about why, despite having theology that claims to make them so secure, they’re actually consistently some of the most insecure people on the planet.
Rick Pidcock is a 2004 graduate of Bob Jones University, with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Bible. He’s a freelance writer based in South Carolina and a former Clemons Fellow with BNG. He completed a Master of Arts degree in worship from Northern Seminary. He is a stay-at-home father of five children and produces music under the artist name Provoke Wonder. Follow his blog at www.rickpidcock.com.