Punishment is a touchy topic, isn't it? When I was young, schoolteachers could take a child in the hall and paddle them. I still remember, quite vividly, our assistant principal visiting the class to let us see his large, carefully polished paddle complete with evenly spaced holes to reduce air resistance. Many would argue that children were much better behaved back then, but our society has definitely changed in its view of punishment. A paddling today would result in an instant lawsuit, and parents are often hesitant to spank their own children for fear of a visit from Social Services.
Bruce Powers
So is punishment necessary? Sometimes we have to be able to stop undesirable behaviors, right? Though some might disagree, I believe that punishment is a necessary part of healthy discipline — but not necessarily the way your parents used it. This article will begin a series that explores the ups and downs of punishment, with the goal of equipping you to use it effectively as one aspect of discipline in your home.
First, let's be clear about what we mean when we use the term “punishment.” The strict definition of punishment is any consequence that results in a behavior being weakened rather than strengthened. So while most people immediately think of paddles and spanking, punishment can take many different forms.
For example, many of the social pleasantries we engage in every day (saying “good morning” or smiling) are supported by the reinforcement we receive from others. If everyone ignored us, that would eventually extinct our pleasant behavior. But what would happen if people responded negatively? That would actually punish us for being nice, and if that happened consistently we would stop. Ever been to a big city? It is disconcerting for us Southern folk to realize that no one speaks or even looks at you. Do you know why? I can tell you, since I went to Chicago and acted like I was still in Virginia: people don't like strangers talking to them, and they react negatively. After a few snarls and glares, I stopped speaking to strangers. Not a paddle in sight, but punishment was definitely taking place.
If you order a dish at a restaurant or buy a certain brand at the store, and discover that it tastes awful, you have been punished for that purchase and will be much less likely to buy the same thing again. Think about your buying patterns—don't you tend to buy things that you have been reinforced for buying (i.e., you were satisfied with your purchase)? You have probably been punished for volunteering for certain things by having an unsatisfying experience (hopefully not at church), or punished for trusting someone who betrayed you.
Hopefully you get the idea — punishment can be a lot of things, and if we are going to use it in disciplining our children, perhaps we can be more creative than the assistant principals of the old days.
Next time: What punishment can and can't do.