DALLAS(ABP) — When church members who disagree stop looking for solutions and start focusing on personalities, it's time to call a mediator, according to experts at a Virginia ministry that helps churches resolve conflict.
Conflict becomes destructive and potentially irreconcilable when personality issues arise, according to the Alban Institute. And most conflict in churches does not center on theological differences or issue-oriented problems. Rather, most conflict arises from relational problems.
Five levels of conflict identified by Speed Leas of the Alban Institute can help identify how problems escalate into church fights. Based in Herndon, Va., the Alban Institute is an ecumenical organization that supports churches through publishing, seminars, consulting and research.
The institute describes five levels about how the progression of conflict develops:
— A problem develops.
Some people may have conflicting goals or values, and interaction may be uncomfortable. But the conflict is still problem-oriented rather than personality-centered. If the problem is not solved at this level, it likely will escalate to the next level, where it becomes personal.
— Differences of opinion become personal disagreements.
Issues become identified with people who hold conflicting opinions, and participants in the conflict become more concerned about protecting themselves than in solving problems.
— Disagreements become contests with winners and losers.
Church members perceive people on the other side of the disagreement as being worse than they really are; tend to view matters in clear-cut categories; often over-generalize; and may make assumptions about other people's motives.
— “Fight or flight” seems like the only option.
Factions are solidified, and participants in the conflict believe the church isn't big enough for two parties to coexist.
— Conflict becomes intractable.
At this point, church members are not content with driving away people in the opposing faction. They want to ruin their reputations.
Instead of allowing conflict to escalate to that fifth level, experts at the Alban Institute suggest that churches enlist a third-party mediator. A mediator can help church members work through root causes of conflict and deal with real issues.
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