In the first part of this blog I suggested that there is in fact a definition of the word love which can cover all the various forms of human and divine love. It is a definition which I believe gets to the heart of the nature of the love of God. Are you ready?
Love is an intentional decision to see somebody else become fully who God designed them to be.
Let me write that again to make sure you have it.
Love is an intentional decision to see somebody else become fully who God designed them to be.
There’s only one caveat to this. When talking about the love we have for God (or the love shared among the members of the godhead) the definition changes slightly in light of the fact that He wasn’t designed and isn’t becoming anything (I am not a process theologian). The definition in this one case changes to this: Loving God is an intentional decision to see Him fully recognized for who He is.
Let me unpack this a bit. Although it’s particular expression might change depending on the circumstances, this definition is capable of covering every situation of human and divine love. God’s love for us is an intentional decision on His part (He was under no compunction to create us and especially since the Fall does not by any means have to accept us) to see us become perfect expressions of His image in us. Everything He does toward us is motivated by love because He is love. And, everything He does toward us is geared at moving us more in line with who He designed us to be. Thus, His love is an intentional decision to see us become fully who He designed us to be.
How about the love of Christ? Well what was His death and resurrection if not an intentional decision to open the doors to life such that we can, with the Spirit’s help, become fully reflective of His image, which is what God the Father designed us to bear? When we say that Jesus loves us, this is what we should have in mind: an intentional decision on the part of Christ to see us become fully who God designed us to be.
What about the various expressions of human love? Surely these are more complex than a single definition can cover. I don’t think so. Consider the shared between a husband and wife. What did Paul say is the model for that love? The love of Christ for His church. Remember what he said? Husbands, you shall love your wives just as Christ loved the church. And what did we just say is the driving force behind the love of Christ? An intentional decision to see us become fully who God designed us to be. When you look at the rest of what Paul said this makes even more sense. The love of a husband for his wife should result in her being a fitting offering to Christ, in other words, fully who God designed her to be. The love of a wife for her husband should do the same thing but in reverse. This, by the way, is a great deal better a definition of love than the notion of love as mere amorous feelings (always capricious) that so many modern young people have in mind when they begin moving toward the romance table.
Or how about the love of parents for their children? The application of this definition to the attitude Christian parents should have toward their children should be obvious. If we are not working intentionally to see them become fully who God designed them to be then what are we doing? If any other goal clouds our vision we are failing them. Note well here that this understanding of love has no similarities to the overly permissive, be-whoever-you-want-to-be “love” that far too many parents have for their children. If we are working intentionally to see them become fully who God designed them to be, this will necessarily have a huge impact on the kinds of opportunities we allow and the kinds we don’t.
This applies equally well to love of neighbor. Jesus’ illustration of the proper shape of this love in the parable of the Good Samaritan made fairly clear how this is so. It even applies to the love we are to have for our enemies. In fact, I dare say that if we are not operating on the basis of this kind of love we cannot properly obey Jesus’ command to love our enemies. It calls for no starry-eyed idealism, but a gritty realism wherein we are to recognize that they are not currently reflecting the image God designed them to bear and begin taking the steps necessary to see that happen. Those might be hard. The application of this kind of love takes both wisdom and courage.
Well, assuming you haven’t already run ahead of my argument to this point and have been waiting for me to arrive, let’s talk about what is probably the most significant challenge to this particular definition of love. How do we know who God designed someone to be? That seems to be an awfully weighty decision to make. In fact, that seems to be too weighty a decision for any single person or even a group of people to make about someone else. With that assessment I would have to agree. Our judgment cannot be the final determining factor here. This definition of love necessarily assumes the person doing the loving is approaching the matter with a great deal of prayer, the input of a community of committed believers, and a detailed study of the Scriptures. Apart from this we can’t get it right.
The next challenge, of course, is that different people read the Scriptures and come away with different conclusions. And, I readily acknowledge this to be the case. There is a certain amount of subjectivity part and parcel with this definition. But, in spite of some variance on the details, there are some things we can say with assurance about God’s vision for any single person. God envisions each of us to be fully devoted followers of Jesus. Thus, loving people out of this definition should always be moving them in this direction. God envisions each of us to live righteously which necessarily requires an elimination of sin from our lives. Thus, loving people out of this definition should always involve humbly and gently calling them to leave their sin behind in favor of righteousness. God envisions each of us to put Him first over and against our own feelings and desires in all things. Thus, loving people out of this definition will equip them with the knowledge and accountability to do that.
There is no doubt much more to be said here in exploring some of the details of all of this, but the bottom line is that this definition gives us a great rubric as to when we are practicing love and when we are not. If an action toward another person is moving them intentionally in the direction of becoming fully who God designed them to be it is a loving one. If not, it isn’t. Love is an intentional decision to see somebody else become fully who God designed them to be. If we want to love like God loves, this is how we do it. The rock trolls from Frozen were right: everyone is a bit of a fixer-upper (that’s being generous), but when push comes to shove, the only fixer upper fixer that will fix we fixer-uppers is an intentional decision to see us become fully who God designed us to be. That doesn’t rhyme quite as well, I’ll grant you, but it will accomplish the goal. Let’s get loving.