Pewboy looked troubled. Gone from his countenance was his usual bland expression by which he defied others to read his thoughts. Now he looked positively pensive. Altar Ego knew he would soon be drawn into dialogue by Pewboy's drivel and he dreaded it. Sure enough, Pewboy spoke. I've been thinking a lot lately about the Bible.” From previous encounters, Altar Ego knew to wait for elaboration.
Pewboy at last continued. “It's amazing to me that God continues to love me. Oh, on the surface of it I seem OK. I go to church almost every Sunday. I teach Sunday school. I even tithe when I can afford it.”
Altar Ego resisted the temptation to be drawn into a discussion of tithing versus giving and asked, “So, what's troubling you?”
“Well, I have always prided myself on believing the Bible,” reasoned Pewboy. “I believe it all, every word. I have no doubt that Jesus spoke words of healing and the paralyzed man got up, rolled up his bedding and walked away. I believe Jesus really did take an evening stroll on Galilee's whitecaps. Not even a part of me doubts Lazarus' resurrection — much less Jesus' own!”
Now it was Alter Ego's turn to look pensive. “OK, so again I ask, ‘What's troubling you?' ”
“Well, as I have been thoroughly honest with myself I have discovered a level of disbelief. I don't doubt Jesus' miracles, but I must not completely believe Jesus' message,” confessed Pewboy.
Pewboy's assertion that one could believe the miracles and deny the message had Altar Ego's full attention. “Say more about that, my friend. If you believe the miracles, doesn't it follow, more or less, that you have to believe the message?”
“Not for me,” Pewboy continued in his confessional attitude. “For me it's easy to believe the miracles. Truthfully, I've never questioned them. And, until I began to really examine myself and how I live I would have scoffed if someone accused me of not believing Jesus' teaching.”
“Whatever has caused you to doubt such a thing now?” quarried Altar Ego.
Pewboy hesitated, glancing at Altar Ego and quickly looking away. “Can I be honest with you?” Trusting his friend's nod in the affirmative, he continued. “I have been looking at the way I treat people.”
Altar Ego almost laughed out loud. “What do you mean? You are one of the nicest people I know. When have you ever treated someone badly — except for that guy who cut you off on the interstate last week. You could have honked less obnoxiously, I suppose. Is that what this is about?”
“What guy on the interstate? No, this has nothing to do with that — although now that you mention it, I'll have to add that to the list. I'm talking about my whole attitude — even toward other church people,” Pewboy attempted to clarify. Seeing that Altar Ego was still confused, he continued. “I've been thinking about this idea of being spiritually-minded versus being carnally-minded.”
Altar Ego was eager to hear more. “That's pretty heavy,” he offered.
“No,” countered Pewboy, “that's pretty basic! Every Christian should be wondering how to become more spiritually-minded — especially those in leadership positions.”
“You're right, of course,” agreed Altar Ego. “What have you concluded? Walk me through the process.”
Pewboy leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers under his chin. “What has troubled me most is the difference within church people between Jesus' way of seeing things and the world's way. The worldly person in the church says ‘I want my way.' Now the worldly person develops many ways of achieving what he wants. He may convince others that he has a superior intellect or that he is more discerning. He may even assert that he has given the matter a lot of prayer and knows the mind of God and the Almighty agrees with him. He might even use his position to his own advantage. Now contrast the spiritually-minded person. According to Jesus, the spirit leads one to say ‘I am a servant.' Jesus spoke of self-denial and self-sacrifice not self-importance.
“What makes it even more complicated,” Pewboy continued, “is that both kinds of people are likely to say ‘I've prayed about it.' And, truthfully, both have. It's just that one was seeking affirmation and one was seeking direction.”
Altar Ego was impressed. “So you're saying that just because somebody does spiritual things like pray or read the Bible doesn't necessarily mean that they are spiritually minded?”
“Well, I'm sure it does make it more likely,” reflected Pewboy, “but, yes. That is what I'm saying. It all comes back to believing the Bible. All of it. The message as well as the miracles. What troubles me is the way we say we believe the Bible literally and then go about reinterpreting Jesus' message to fit our own views. Now, I'm talking about hardcore church worldliness when I say this.”
“Jesus said, ‘Love your enemies.' So the hardcore worldly churchman says, ‘I would love my enemies if I had any, which I don't because I love everyone.' But heaven help you if you are a ‘brother' who disagrees with him because he will find a spiritual-sounding reason to treat you with casual disregard or even with contempt. I know. I've done it,” lamented Pewboy. What's more, it appears to be widespread at every level.”
Altar Ego, unaccustomed to such honesty, would have agreed but he was busy. The Spirit had convicted him and he was making his own confession. Jesus had said not to judge.