Dear Jimmy,
I'm writing to tell you about a conversation I had this afternoon when we were over at Dolly Mayhew's that I think might make a good article for the Religious Herald. Her daughter Kelly and her new husband drove up from Carolina to be with her for Thanksgivin' and she wanted us to come over to see them.
Well, after finishin' off the leftover turkey and fixin's we girls got to talkin'. It seems that Kelly is workin' for some group of hospitals down there. Her whole job is keepin' the doctors happy. After doctors kept scraping the tar off their heels and fleeing for paradise in the Old Dominion, hospital bigwigs realized they should make doctors happy so they would stay put. Successful hospitals all seem to have doctors, I've noticed. It must be quite a job keepin' a doctor in Carolina happy.
Turns out a good number of new doctors they are gettin' are lady doctors. To keep them happy, all she needs to do is show them what's good for their younguns — daycare and the like. But the men doctors, that's somethin' else. It's harder to keep them happy, says Kelly, ‘cause to keep them happy she has to keep their wives happy. I'm just reportin' what Kelly says.
She told us a whole list of things she has done. The wives don't ordinarily want to live in some little hick town in the mountains, so Kelly hired this limousine to carry the dr. wives to Norfolk to do some proper shoppin'. It was a big hit. Kelly was always creative even when I had her in GAs.
As she was talkin', goin' on and on about what all she has done keeping these women content, I couldn't help think but think of our dear pastor's wife. She is as sweet as she can be — well, most of the time except when somebody in the church is grindin' on her last nerve, but I happen to know she's had a time of it.
I wondered, if it wasn't that Brother Bobby and his good wife, Betsy, feel called by God to be here, why would they want to stay with us? I honestly believe some of the folks use God's callin' as license to treat them pretty poorly. I guess they figure, “Since God has called them here, they ought to stay no matter how bad I treat them.” That doesn't exactly sound like a lesson they should have learned in Sunday school, does it?
Well, followin' Kelly's example, I put together a list of things I think we can do at Bluebell Baptist to help keep Betsy content.
I think it starts with wantin' her to be happy just ‘cause that's how Christians ought to treat each other. Naturally, we want her to be happy so Brother Bobby will also be happy, but I think sometimes we think of her like she is just an attachment to the pastor. I realize, now that I think about it, I have no idea what kinds of things she likes. Does she like flowers? What is her favorite color? What makes her happy, and what frustrates the fire out of her? Who knows? We've never asked. At least I haven't.
Well, I do know one thing because I heard her say once that she wished people would just go to him when they have something they want her husband to know. I wonder why it is that folks expect Betsy to deliver their mail? Maybe they think the pastor is so busy that they don't want to bother him. So they apparently think it is better to bother Betsy so she can bother him with it. After all, she's not busy — except with her own job and raisin' kids and managin' a household and keepin' church folk happy by always bein' polite and teachin' Sunday school and singin' in the choir. Why not add the job of deliverin' messages to her husband?
More often, though, I think some folk are just plain chicken to go to the pastor themselves to complain about no paper towels in the restroom or that his sermon was too long or that it's been too many weeks since he went by the nursin' home to see folks there. So, they go to Betsy. Besides bein' not fair, I suspect that it's not very healthy, either.
What else can we do for our pastor's wife? To be honest, it's a little confusin' for me. On the one hand, I honestly believe most church members want her to “just feel like one of the folk.” But, the truth is, she's our pastor's wife. She's the only one in the church and that makes her unique. To a certain extent, in the minds of our community folk she is a kind of window they look through to see what our church is like. That's a lot of pressure. All of us should share that, I guess, but it's true for Betsy — and of course Bobby — most of all.
I don't think I have given that pressure to represent the church enough thought. It's something she can't take off like a heavy coat. It is with her always. Not that she minds or complains, but it must wear on a person after a while, I should think. I'm goin' to pray extra for her now that I've thought of that.
Add to that the impossible demands church people make. I have been guilty myself of saying to Betsy and Bobbie, “Now, y'all need time for yourselves.” Then expectin' them to drop whatever they are doin' whenever I felt like I needed them. Why, even when they do take time for their own family Betsy knows that at any time they could get a call sayin' they are needed. I remember times when their vacations were interrupted by deaths in the church. Those are unavoidable, of course, but still it must be hard on a family.
One of the best gifts we can give Betsy is allowin' her the right to her own disposition. I remember when I was young some Catholics used to have plastic Marys ridin' on the dashboards of their cars. I think at times we want Betsy to be like a plastic Mary. Always smilin', always blessin', always perfect. It's time we eased up on the expectation of perfection, I think. Betsy is a good person, but she's not perfect. And, that's OK because nobody else in the church is, either. Oh, some of them seem to think they are, but the rest of us can see right through their pretendin'. We need to let Betsy be who she is and say how she feels about things. We need to let her know that we love her, and we'll keep on lovin' her even when she blows it. I'd like to know that if I was a pastor's wife.
Well, now that I'm thinkin' about this, I'm on a roll. I'm goin' to close this letter for now, but I'll keep thinkin' about this. Who knows, maybe you should have an article about it in the Religious Herald.
Love always, Aunt Ida