I approached the end of my time at divinity school with relief and joy. It had been the best and worst three years of my life. I took apart everything I thought about God, myself and others and emerged with much better questions and less answers.
As we prepared for graduation, I had two remaining mandatory events to attend.
First, I went to a mostly unhelpful student loan exit session. Second, I attended a final advice meeting for ministry. I cannot recall what it was titled exactly but I do remember the advice a bishop gave us all as we entered full time ministry: “Don’t sleep with your parishioners.” There was a bit more nuance with conversation about “emotional transference” and “authority figures” and “do no harm” but it boiled down to don’t have sex with church members.
Jennifer Brown
Now, more than five years removed from divinity school, I can say with certainty this graduation advice was woefully inadequate. There are multitudes of things seminaries and divinity schools cannot or do not prepare young clergy to do. Everything from the minor issue of how to create a Facebook event that can be cross posted on other social media sites to more significant questions of how exactly to spread cremains on a windy day.
But the biggest gap for me was how I am supposed to respond when I’m on the receiving end of sexual harassment and/or abuse from another pastor or church member.
According to Baptist Women in Ministry’s State of Women in Baptist Life 2021, I’m not alone. One in four female Baptist clergy reported experiencing sexual harassment, misconduct or assault in their ministry settings. That is probably an underestimate because sexual harassment and abuse are underreported. Perhaps you think your church is different. But in every church wherever I have served, I have been sexually harassed.
To be perfectly clear about the behavior I’m talking about I’ve made a non-exhaustive list below:
- Unasked for kisses on my cheek
- Having my ass grabbed or pinched in a receiving line
- Being felt up by a supervising pastor while serving abroad
- A male member knowing where I lived and showing up repeatedly and unannounced to my place (stalking)
- Comments about how sexy I look while preaching and lewd comments about my body
And the list could go on.
This is not to blame those churches. Churches are made up of real people and often reflect our society. Where they should differ is how they respond when instances of sexual harassment and abuse occur.
For example, when I informed a former senior pastor about being stalked, I was dismissed because “he doesn’t mean any harm.” When I approached a lay leader about how to document lewd comments, they had no idea how to proceed because there wasn’t a policy for the situation.
My challenge to others Is two-fold.
First, to institutions educating future clergy: Do better. Yes, of course, tell students not to have sex with people they hold authority over. AND review how students should report misconduct and sexual harassment within their denominational systems. How and where do reports get filed? How can clergy who witness inappropriate behavior assist?
“Cover what policies should be in an employee handbook and appropriate questions to ask of deacons/personnel/senior leadership team.”
If a student is serving in a free-church system without a hierarchy, cover what policies should be in an employee handbook and appropriate questions to ask of deacons/personnel/senior leadership team. Offer phrases to practice when instances occur so they are prepared in the moment such as: “I’m uncomfortable with that comment,” “Woah, I don’t appreciate that,” “Don’t do that again,” “You are in my personal bubble,” “I don’t get why that’s funny; please explain it to me.”
Bring in a lawyer or Title IX coordinator to cover legal definitions of sexual harassment and assault. Allow them to teach students when to consider filing charges or pursuing legal actions. Raise awareness among colleagues by showing this video put together by the United Methodist Conference of North Carolina of male clergy reading comments received by female clergy.
Second, local churches should discuss the potential for sexual harassment and abuse of clergy when they annually review safe sanctuary policies for children and youth. Personnel teams need to create a clear policy for how to document and report inappropriate behavior if their denomination does not already have one.
Finally, the church leadership needs to work with the clergy person to determine how an individual will be held accountable. Sometimes, I’ve asked for no action to be taken unless the offense happens again. Other times I’ve asked leadership to have a conversation with the individual. It depends on both the level of transgression and how safe I feel in the church space.
For my fellow female clergy, the most important thing I can say is document everything. Keep two documents — one that contains a detailed account and one that states just the basic information but only uses initials or no names. Depending on the level of trust you have with your church, share one or the other via email or in your staff meeting time. Even if you don’t need action taken, reporting protects others who will follow you.
The only way to interrupt a bad behavior pattern is to have enough information to know it’s happening.
Sexual harassment and abuse should not be part of the cost of doing ministry. Female clergy are a gift to the church. It’s up to both the institutions and local congregations to create an environment where we can use our God given gifts.
Jennifer Brown serves as senior pastor of University Baptist Church in Hattiesburg, Miss. She is a proud graduate of Duke Divinity School and Belmont University.