My wife clocked out of her state job for the last time recently. She is now officially retired. It’s good timing, as she’s needed to help her mother care for her father, who is in hospice care.
Recently, my wife asked me to work less in 2024. I sat down and did the math. In 2023, I averaged 55 hours of work per week. That’s the problem.
I have a full-time job as a chaplain. I have a business as a pastoral counselor, which is very important and meaningful. I also do extra shifts at another hospital, pulling all-night shifts several times a month. These are the shifts my wife has asked me to cut back on.
John Michael Helms
Initially, I reminded my wife there would be less income with her retirement. If I worked less, there would be even less income. Her response? “I have run the budget. We can still pay the bills and save money even if you work less. Your time is worth more to me than the extra money.”
It should be an easy decision. I had to ask myself, “Why is it so difficult to stop pushing myself so hard?”
I reached back for a book written in 1971 by Wayne Oates, who taught me Introduction to Pastoral Care at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He coined the term “workaholic.” A man who wrote 52 books and taught classes at a seminary and medical college ought to know something about overworking.
In Confessions of a Workaholic, Oates wrote that a workaholic has a need for work that is so excessive that it creates a noticeable disturbance or interference with a person’s health, happiness, interpersonal relations and social functioning.
Last year, I had a stent placed in an artery that was 95% blocked. This year, I have suffered from chronic back pain (lumbar stenosis). Perhaps my body is making an announcement. While I feel happy, I confess I do not build close relationships with friends or explore hobbies I know would bring me joy.
The workaholic, compared to people with other addictions, is typically more respected. In fact, others can praise us for the very thing that contributes to our problems. While others might enable alcoholics, no one is going to praise them for getting a DUI, getting drunk and embarrassing the family, yelling at their spouse or missing work.
“The workaholic, compared to people with other addictions, is typically more respected.”
But someone will probably praise the workaholic who sacrifices work for family, health, friends, relationships and their church. Sometimes, praise is the dopamine the workaholic brain craves. And if it is not the praise, it is just the rush clocking the hours, of not being able to step off the working treadmill and be still, to rest, to shift into another gear where the mind is thinking of something other than work. What family of a workaholic has not experienced a vacation when that person could not stop working?
Just as alcoholics lie to convince themselves that another drink is OK and will not be harmful, workaholics do the same thing about work. We tell ourselves our work is for our family. We say, “We are working to make their lives better.”
We say we are working hard so they will not have to. We convince ourselves we need all the work to ensure there will be enough for the future.
I’ve seen many people die in my occupation as a chaplain. I’ve yet to hear anyone say, “I wish I’d worked more,” but I have heard people say, “I wish I’d spent more time with my family.”
Let me tell you, for those of us in the ministry, those of us “called by God to help others,” we are among the worst offenders with overwork. There are many reasons for this.
Church staff, for example, must work on the sabbath. Sunday is a workday for pastors, and many are not good about taking another day as a true sabbath.
The church encourages and allows pastors/ministers to overwork. Few churches tell a pastor/minister: “You are working too much. We want you to take a rest.” Few churches allow pastors to take a sabbatical. Churches will allow you to work 50-plus hours every week, and many expect it.
Some ministers have a saying, “God, family, church.” In reality, God and church become the same, and family too often takes a back seat. If you don’t believe me, find any pastor’s son or daughter and ask them how often they played second fiddle.
Many pastors/ministers are not good at setting boundaries or saying “no.” Some joke that Jesus set boundaries and could say “no,” but he didn’t have a mortgage. Pastors/ministers answer to many people or feel the need to please them. Saying “no” is complicated.
“Sometimes, pastors/ministers believe God requires extra work.”
Sometimes, pastors/ministers believe God requires extra work. Saying “no” to the work is saying “no” to God. Therefore, all work becomes “righteous,” and the pastor/minister develops a blind spot for overwork. Overwork becomes a considerable contributor to burnout among pastors/ministers.
I have always been a hard worker, from my first job at age 13, peddling my bicycle all over town, delivering the weekly sale paper for the local grocery store. I’ve worked as a bag boy, had a paper route, driven a school bus, worked in a lumber mill for the Alabama Highway Department, as a cashier for the convenience story (and got held up at gunpoint), as a youth pastor and pastor. Now I work as a chaplain, pastoral counselor and life coach.
While work is a virtue, a God-given responsibility Adam and Eve had in the Garden even before the Fall, work without the balance of sabbath time can be our undoing. But that’s not unique to pastors/ministers. Constructions workers, health care workers, people with union jobs, people trying to get a big check for working overtime, people who own their own businesses, anyone who works and is chasing a dollar can be guilty of being a workaholic.
Working without acknowledging that we have other responsibilities gets life out of balance. Working without attention to our families may cause us to lose what many say they are working for. Working without paying attention to our health can cause us to lose our ability to work effectively or at all.
There is a song in the Baptist Hymnal called “We’ll Work ’Til Jesus Comes.” Baptists believe in work so much we sing about working.
While it’s a blessing to work and be able to provide for our families, overworking can lead to diminishing returns. It can negatively affect us in various aspects of our lives, including emotionally, mentally, physically, relationally, socially and spiritually. And that can throw our life out of balance. That’s where I am.
If you can relate to this, you’re not alone. Let’s work to bring more balance into our lives in 2024.
John Michael Helms is a pastoral counselor and board-certified chaplain who lives in Jefferson, Ga.