Do we need another category to describe people who are either no longer related to organized Christianity or never were? Probably.
Popularized writing in the past few years has made a big deal out of the terms “nones” and “dones.” Of these, dones is the newest category.I believe we need at least one more. I would add to dones the category of “gones.” (Gones is not yet popular enough to show up in spellcheck as a legitimate word. It will later.)
What is the difference between gones and dones? Gones is about leaving or having left organized Christianity, but not being over it yet. Similar to Freddy Krueger of the A Nightmare on Elm Street movie series, they may be back. In this case it would be good news if gones come back.
Dones is about being finished with organized Christianity with the claim to never go back. It reminds me of Paul Simon’s 1975 hit song entitled 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. At times dones leave their first love.
I would relate the gones to the dechurched. These are people who have been driven away from congregations or other forms of organized Christianity.
At times they were directly told or the congregational expression acted like they were not wanted. At other times they were offended by something the congregational expression did that directly impacted them and they initiated the relationship break. Or, it could be that something happened in their life and they felt embarrassed for their congregational expression to know about it so they ended the relationship.
A person who is gone may be back. They may still have a desire for the positive qualities of a congregational relationship. They may want to renew their relationship with God within the context of a caring congregation. Circumstances might change. They may transition to another stage of life. They may respond to the nudging of the Holy Spirit.
Dones are done with church. They believe organized Christianity is no longer relevant in their lives. It is no longer on their radar screen. They may have a proactive understanding of spirituality in their lives that has replaced organized Christianity. They may even consider themselves Christian, but they are post-Church in their expression of it.
Unlike the gones, the dones are not open to nor interested in re-establishing a dialogue with a congregational expression. They like to claim they are beyond that. They consider that to be a former part of their life or even a characteristic of a former life. Circumstances are not likely to change. They believe they have already matured to another stage of life. They would never interpret the nudging of the Holy Spirit to be leading them back to organized Christianity.
An interesting distinction between the gones and the dones is that the dones may actually be proactively engaging in spiritual practices of even a Christian nature. They have moved on from organized Christianity to a different paradigm of spiritual practice. They have not necessarily edged out the Triune God.
They just believe their spiritual practice is superior to that found in organized Christianity. Congregations come with too much baggage and a Christian commitment that is too restrictive, confining or shallow to be worth the investment.
Gones are often wounded. They may heal. They may not. As they heal they may be open once again to organized Christianity. If they never heal they may never be open. They may not be engaging in any spiritual practice for a season of their life. Therefore, they may be in a less hopeful place than dones or a more hopeful place. It depends.
If gones feel that what drove them away was something within the congregation as opposed to within them, they may be open to trying a different congregation. Likely this will be one of a different denomination — if any. A friend or family member may sponsor them into a congregation they believe is healthy and will receive those who are gone without judgment.
Gones may just need a new start. If they happen to relocate to another community, town or state they may be very open to a new congregational relationship. If they transition in their marriage or other significant life situation, they may desire a new congregational relationship as they put their life back together.
Do you see the distinction between gones and dones? Who are some of the people you know who fit one or both of these categories? Why, when and how can you come alongside them, join them in their journey and be an authentic witness of your journey?
Photo credit: Abbie Rowe, National Park Service, Harry S. Truman Library & Museum