DALLAS (ABP) — As one of 70 million baby boomers, Greg Vaughn says he's not alone when it comes to the hurt he felt when his dad died. And the worst part was the absence of any written document of his father's love for his son. Vaughn didn't have any cards or notes from his dad — not even a signature.
“It shook my world,” Vaughn told Associated Baptist Press. “It made me angry. I was angry at God, at my father and at myself.”
Raised in a small Southern Baptist church in West Texas, Vaughn lost his father to Alzheimer's disease several years ago. Though they were never close, Vaughn said, he felt cheated and hurt at the silence his father left behind.
Unfortunately, he said, many of his friends face the same thing. He said men from his father's generation demonstrated love through working hard and providing for the family, but for many baby boomers, all the hard work didn't translate into a lasting memento from their dads.
Now, Vaughn and thousands like him have that lasting memento. Vaughn is teaching fathers to write letters to their loved ones.
He has traveled to thousands of churches nationwide, representing nearly every denomination, leading Letters from Dad seminars that walk men through the process of writing letters to wives, children and parents.
A veteran film producer, Vaughn has won two Emmy awards for his educational series “In Search of Heroes.” His marketing and production business, Grace Products Corp., gives him access to 85,000 churches. Along with that network, he has appeared on more than 5,000 radio shows, held sessions for pastors nationwide, addressed military personnel, held sessions at the Pentagon, and led online groups for men in England and Australia. He expects to launch the letter-writing program in 1,000 churches this year.
The idea for the campaign didn't start on such a grand scale. Vaughn thought of it as he cleaned out the garage after his father's death, searching for a lasting memento besides his father's fishing gear.
When Vaughn realized he himself had not left a written legacy for his own seven children, Vaughn called 12 of his friends to compare situations. None of his friends had written anything of note for their kids.
Vaughn and his new advocates spent several months meeting for dinner and planning sessions. After that, they invited friends over for a letter-writing trial run.
“These 12 men were so excited about what had happened in their families, they invited their closest friends to a dinner and asked me to come share the vision of Letters from Dad,” Vaughn said. “To my amazement, 120 men came to this dinner.”
Over the next few months, Vaughn led the men through a process of writing meaningful letters to their wife, children, and parents. After that semester, the men again held a big dinner with more than 250 men in attendance. By the spring of 2004, more than 750 men attended the third kick-off dinner for Letters from Dad.
Inevitably, Vaughn realized he had stumbled upon a need that would require more than a few dinners.
That's when the publishers called. Now working with Integrity Publishing, Vaughn speaks to small groups of men at barbecue dinners or pancake breakfasts around the nation. In the typical group of 50 or 60 men, Vaughn said, only 3 percent will have a written statement of love or blessing from their father. And no one will take Vaughn's offer of $10,000 for those special notes.
From the initial meals, usually 50 percent sign up for the course, which costs $95 for a book, stationary, leather binder and writing tutorial.
Guy Glass, the pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Pemberton, N.J., plans to hold a Letters from Dad conference next fall, with the men finishing their letter boxes just in time for Christmas.
With McGuire Air Force Base located near the church, Glass said, the thought of writing letters strikes a chord with men in his congregation, many of whom face periodic separation from their families.
“We don't see a lot of men interacting at this level [of letter-writing],” Glass said. “This is a first step. I know there is interest. It's a building process, and I think we can do better.”
Glass said his will be the first church in New Jersey to give the course, with leader-training sessions in June and the actual program beginning in August.
More than just a way for fathers to relate to children, Vaughn said, the letters mirror what God did for Christians in general. Vaughn uses Malachi 4:6 as an inspiration for his program. The verse involves God's promise to turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and vice versa.
“This is what God did for us,” he said. “He sent us love letters in his written Word.”
In addition to developing Bible-based communication habits, Vaughn said, the letters also involve “discipleship” and “marital enrichment.”
Much like Promise Keepers, Letters to Dad capitalizes on training men to be better husbands and fathers. The difference, Vaughn said, is practicality.
One man told Vaughn he loved attending Promise Keepers meetings but he felt lost in the “disconnect between the bright lights of the stadium and what I'm supposed to do when I drive in the driveway.”
Comments like that, from men not used to expressing themselves through writing, surprise no one more than Vaughn. “In a million years, no, I never would have guessed this,” Vaughn said. “This was never intended to be anything but a blessing to my children.”
Now some have called the letters a key link between traditional written communication and an increasingly paperless society — a link that has weakened across generations. In a March 16 story in the New York Times, the U.S. Postal Service cited a 2004 study that found “personal mail has dropped off by about a third in the past 25 years, to about 1.1 pieces a week per household.”
According to the Times article, a rise in the use of e-mail made communication “rapid, painless and impersonal.” It also made it sloppy, error-prone and barely legible. In response, many people are looking for something with more lasting power.
Vaughn said the appeal of the letters — now reaching from grandfathers to new dads — comes from two facets: The written word and a spoken blessing. During the sessions, which happen over the course of four months, men watch motivational videos, discuss good writing, learn writing tips and help with each other's letters.
Each time he speaks, Vaughn reminds men to include in their letters praise, hope, a vision for the future and the assurance of a loving commitment. While some men don't naturally gravitate toward prose, Vaughn said, they still want and need to express themselves.
“It is within that part of every man to do this,” he said. “Letters from Dad allows men to open their hearts and speak life and hope and blessing to their children.”
Carol Fox received once such letter from her husband, Mark. On a promotional video for the series, she said she felt like the only one in the restaurant when he handed her a beautifully wrapped wooden treasure box. They had gone on a special date so Mark could present her with the box.
“To know that my husband took the time to put his thoughts in words — he wasn't afraid, he wasn't ashamed,” Fox said. “He might have been a little uncomfortable, but it didn't matter. He was thinking about me, and I'll cherish that.”
-30-