Rightly understood, the relationship between pastors and deacons is one of partnership in the mission of being (and building) the church. The following are statements I have heard deacons make through the years.
1. I need to be clear about my role as a deacon. I need to know what you expect and what the church expects of me. I need to know that the time and effort I commit to being a deacon is making a real difference. Some deacons may have nothing better to do than meet, but my time is in short supply. I need to know what do, to know how to do it and to know that it is an essential part of building the Kingdom of Christ.
2. I know that we church members often unfairly expect you to be everything we need without reflecting on the utter impossibility that anyone can do everything. I want you to be yourself; but I challenge you to be your best self. Your own personal time with the Lord is essential to your work as a pastor and to the success of our mission as a church. Some-times becoming your best self may mean taking time to refresh your own spirit. At times even Jesus withdrew from the crowds to regain his sense of purpose and to keep focused. I know you can’t be at your best if you are weary and discouraged, so you take time off and I will try to keep you encouraged.
3. I know you need time and study resources to prepare the kinds of sermons our church needs. Probably more than any other aspect of your pastoral work, you are known by the sermons you preach. Within our capabilities, I want to see that you get them. Teach me and inspire me!
4. I may not have a seminary degree, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand spiritual matters. I have read the Bible in preparation for Sunday school and in personal study and understand biblical teaching. I may not have proof texts at my fingertips, but I understand central biblical themes perhaps as well as you do. However, I also understand that you have spent years in preparation for your work as pastor and I acknowledge that you have information and training that I do not. I will try to remember this and allow you to lead.
5. I can be a sounding board and help you get a sense of how the church as a whole may react to your ideas. The deacons can provide a voice and a response. Very likely I will support your point of view, especially if I understand how you arrived at your conclusions. But if you simply spring on me a new idea without any idea of how you got there, my first reaction may be negative. I want to be a confidant and to provide counsel and support.
6. If I disagree with you it doesn’t mean that I don’t support you; and just because I disagree doesn’t mean I won’t change my mind later on. The sooner we can agree that no two people will agree all the time, the better off we will be. We can be on opposite sides of an issue and still have mutual respect for each other and for our points of view. I want you to know that I will be honest with you even if you don’t like hearing what I have to say. But I also want you to know that I realize my responsibility to speak to you with respect and in love.
7. If you are wrong, admit it. I will not lose respect for you because you are wrong about something. No human being is right all the time, so I don’t expect it of you any more than you expect it of me. Pastors can get too close to a situation and get too invested in the outcome to see things objectively, sometimes. On the other hand, if you obstinately refuse to admit a mistake and are too proud to apologize, my respect for you will inevitably lessen.
8. Pastors come and go, but I will be living with these people until I die, move away or Jesus comes. If I seem slow to support you in opposition to another church member at times it may be because I have known that person for years and know I’ll continue to live with him or her long after you are called to another field of service. If I perceive that you are having conflict with someone in the church because of personality differences, I am not likely to rush to your defense and jeopardize a longstanding relationship with my fellow church member. This is not because of cowardice on my part but because I believe you can handle yourself in conflict situations.
9. If you are being treated unjustly, however, or if your character is being maligned I will stand up for you even if it means risking a relationship with a fellow church member. I understand that there is only so much you can say in your own defense before you start sounding defensive. As your partner in ministry and fellow believer, I will defend you as my pastor as I believe the Scriptures teach us to do.
10. I have enough conflict in my life elsewhere. I don’t want to have to deal with more conflict when I come to church. It seems to me there is a reason the place of worship was often called a “sanctuary.” It represents a place of safety, security and peace amid the battles that often rage in my family, on my job and among my neighbors.
Jim White ([email protected]) is executive editor of the Religious Herald.