We live in a hyper-competitive society. Many of us tirelessly strive to keep up with the Joneses. As one year draws to a close and a new one begins, what do we have to show for it?
Copious amounts of debt, lack of self-esteem, lifestyles of absurd excess and mental health issues in abundance. Even the New Year’s resolutions we make are often rooted in competition and keeping up with the Joneses.
Granted, weight loss goals are great if they are truly aimed at being a healthier you; but if the motive is just to look like somebody else, the effort is in vain. Likewise, saving up for a new home is admirable; but not if the intention is to live outside your means in order to impress others.
J. Basil Dannebohm
Oscar Wilde observed: “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
Therein lies the problem.
When we make goals and resolutions that contradict our authentic self, we’re bound to fail and sink lower into an abyss of our own creation. To be a better version of ourselves, we first have to truly know, love and accept ourselves.
Unfortunately, as Wilde notes, most of us haven’t the slightest clue who we are anymore. It’s as though we graduated high school but never left the cafeteria drama and peer pressure behind. We have to learn to walk again before we can run.
Self-improvement is a step-by-step process, the first of which is self-acceptance. Once we have mastered self-acceptance, addictions become easier to overcome, diets become less of a chore, saving becomes a habit. Why? Because our goals aren’t a competition. Rather, they are rooted in a genuine love and concern for our personal well-being. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, another step in balanced transformation occurs: a healthier, happier outlook on the world.
Ralph Waldo Emerson keenly observed, “People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.”
“Miserable people project their misery on their surroundings.”
Miserable people project their misery on their surroundings. When you love yourself, petty things don’t matter. Suddenly political arguments, religious debates and the need to constantly interject your self-perceived expertise begin to subside. It’s as though the veil has been lifted and you suddenly see what truly matters in life and what is simply a distraction. In a sort of butterfly effect, the world becomes a better place simply because you’ve become a better person.
In this age of relentless noise, to love yourself you must also learn to be comfortable in silence. Only in silence can we hear things that aren’t spoken — meaningful things that give us a clearer understanding of ourselves, the world around us, and how the two should interact.
Loving your neighbor and maintaining that goodwill of the holiday season becomes easier when you love yourself and your place in the world. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”
Letting every new year find you a better person means letting every new year be a bright new step in your journey toward contentment. Don’t fool yourself, though. The road to contentment can at times be just as bumpy as the road paved with good intentions.
It takes patience that will only come once you have mastered that first pivotal step. From that point on, your stumbling blocks can more easily be transformed into stepping stones. A path that is lined with gratitude for small blessings and little victories can be inspiration for the journey to a better you. You’re going to fall; but it’s a great deal easier to get back up when you’re doing it for yourself and not to impress others.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t overthink it. Sometimes the best we can do is just get by, and that’s OK. Resolve to discover and love yourself this year. Learn to appreciate what you have and to recognize life’s little blessings and accomplishments.
Tecumseh wrote: “When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.”
Let that be enough for you and the rest will fall into place. Life is complicated enough. Create a simple haven for yourself and dwell therein.
J. Basil Dannebohm is a writer, speaker, consultant, former legislator and intelligencer. His website is www.dannebohm.com. He writes from the Washington, D.C., metro in the Commonwealth of Virginia.