By Amy Butler
It’s several days after Easter, but I still can feel the wake of Holy Week rocking my life. As the storm gradually subsides and I try to get myself upright in the aftermath of the most important celebration of the Christian year, I find myself reflecting on what seems to be an unfortunate Easter side effect of my job as a pastor: a growing level of personal resentment toward small, furry animals.
Although I would never consider myself a great lover of animals overall, at least in the Steve Irwin sense, I also would not say that I dislike animals with any sort of unhealthy vehemence. Like most people, I had pets growing up, and I am even currently the owner of one small, fluffy dog. I admit that fish under my care do not generally have a long life expectancy, but I don’t think that fact reflects any sort of unreasonable dislike of animals on my part — probably more a dislike of cleaning fish tanks.
That being said, I’ve really about had it with cute baby animals after this week at church. I wouldn’t be sorry, I’m thinking, if I never saw another airbrushed pink-purple-and-yellow picture of a chicken, duck or rabbit ever again. I never had these suspicions before I became a pastor but I am now fairly convinced that an inordinate number of churchgoers must believe there is a bunny in the Easter story.
Why else would these critters be reproducing all over the church during Holy Week?
When I started this gig I knew Holy Week would mean presiding over several services in one week, managing a frenzied music staff and even artfully arranging potted plants around the altar late on Saturday night. But did anyone ever mention in seminary that one of the major tasks of a pastor during Holy Week is beating back all the bunnies that threaten to hop into every event of church life in the days leading up to Easter?
I don’t think so.
Did I miss the day that we explored strategies for using baby ducks in the children’s story? Is there a “best practices” recipe for Peeps Punch that I should have known to pass along to the chair of the hospitality committee? Do visitors really come back for Easter worship if you artfully display baby animals on the visitor table on Palm Sunday?
Am I going crazy?
All I ask is that we come to church during Holy Week to worship God — and when church is over, we can all go to the zoo to see baby animals. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable.
However, I tried all week and failed. So I now suspect that I will never be successful in ridding the church of cute baby animals during Holy Week. I may never be able to fully win this battle, but I have decided this year that there are some Holy Week guidelines about which I absolutely, positively will not compromise:
- First, there will be no deacons dressed as the Easter Bunny at any church event, no matter what. I don’t care if it is Easter Sunday or that you’re pretty sure no kids will be traumatized or that a friend of a friend has an Easter Bunny suit we can borrow for free.
- Second, no clip art on any church Holy Week publication will include any pictures of small, furry animals — particularly if they are paired with a religious symbol, like a cross. In other words, a picture of a bunny at the foot of an empty cross will not be used on the front of our Easter bulletins this year or any other year that I am still drawing breath, and no, I do not think it would be cute to arrange a grouping of beanie babies at the front of the sanctuary. No exceptions.
- Third, no lay leader or member of the ministerial staff will ever suggest, imply, or state outright that Easter bunnies, chicks or eggs in any way compose a spiritual metaphor that represents the Resurrection story. In other words, the Easter Bunny is not symbolic of Jesus, nor do hidden eggs in any way represent lost souls for which we must search.
About this I feel a deep, unrelenting conviction.
Having survived Holy Week this year I am now fine-tuning these policies to present at the next Calvary trustees’ meeting for possible inclusion in the church constitution.
In the meantime, I need to write my homily for the Blessing of the Animals service….