DALLAS (ABP) Having a child is called the most joyous event in one's life. But that joy may be fading.
According to studies, the latest generation of parents is less able than past generations to cope with raising children while holding together “satisfying” marriages. A San Diego State University report indicates marital satisfaction after a first baby's birth is 42 percent lower among younger parents than in preceding generations.
The National Marriage Project's 2004 annual report noted “children seem to be a growing impediment for the happiness of marriage,” citing several recent studies. Only 38 percent of mothers of infants report high marital satisfaction, compared to 62 percent of childless women.
Contributing to the difficulty of raising children, the researchers report, is the increase of “fragile families.” More parents get divorced than in the past, and more children are raised by single parents. Fewer Americans are getting married, and those that do marry later in life. Fewer married couples are having children.
Children are no longer the centerpiece of marriage, the researchers note. Fewer Americans believe marriage is necessary for raising children, and fewer Americans believe raising children is a good enough reason to keep a troubled marriage together. Almost 70 percent of Americans now believe that the purpose of marriage is something other than raising children — a higher percentage than almost any other industrialized nation.
Parenting is a multifaceted issue for young couples, said Christian counselor Dan McGee of Dallas. People generally learn their parenting skills from those who raised them, he said. It is an unconscious process that later guides them through their own parenting of children.
A problem arises because those methods are passed down from generation to generation without significant change, said McGee, director of Baptist General Convention of Texas Counseling and Psychological Services. That leads to a generation of parents trying to use the parenting skills of their grandparents or great grandparents.
The earlier parenting environment was drastically different than today, McGee noted. And the pace of change in society increases all the time. Today's parents have to figure out how to raise their children in an ever-changing atmosphere.
“They are living out of a value system of past mothers,” he said. “The values need not change, but the means of instilling them — given the profound influence of the culture — becomes a challenge.”
Schedules are busier than ever, said Britton Wood of Fort Worth, Texas, former president of the Association of Couples in Marriage Enrichment. Couples rarely take the time to address their marriage intentionally because they are busy running across town with various activities for themselves and their children.
Most parents are trying to raise children while retaining jobs, McGee said. They are trying to maintain a certain lifestyle where they feel comfortable. The San Diego State study shows more affluent adults struggle more with children because parents feel their freedom to act as they please is restricted.
“If you give every ounce of energy to every other person, when it comes to your marriage you have nothing left,” Wood said.
Further complicating the issue seems to be a sense of role confusion, studies show. In a society where stay-at-home fathers and executive mothers are routinely accepted, men and women seem increasingly unsure of their roles with children.
“Life is more complex for adults in this world,” McGee said. “It's reasonable to expect that complexity extends to a child growing up in this world.”
Young people are having to figure out parenting on their own, McGee continued. Couples frequently do not live in the same town as other family members. Parents also are not as connected to their neighborhoods as they once were.
“You had a community and extended family who knew each other,” he said. “If Johnny got in trouble, Momma knew it by nightfall. That doesn't exist anymore.”