Your church’s purpose is not to make you happy. Your church’s purpose is to help you become like Jesus.
Expect the former and live disappointed. Expect the latter and live with deep satisfaction and significance.
This conversation has happened enough times to be thematic at this point. Nearly every coaching group the last two weeks started with a statement/question something like this: “I got wind of another one this week … another one threatening to leave our church because (insert an issue here that blames the pastor and/or church). Anyone else seeing an uptick in angry people in your congregation?”
Mark Tidsworth
Heads nod around the Zoom room, and the conversation starts.
Going with the popular advice, “See something, say something,” I feel the need to broaden this conversation. Lay leaders, clergy and church staff are keenly aware of this issue; they are struggling to manage themselves and the church in this outrage culture. I was hoping that after the election, angry projections onto churches would recede, but my field notes tell me I was mistaken, at least to date.
At the root of this problem are two key insights that make all the difference. They are about our ecclesiology, the way we understand God’s church. When we get these straight, accept them as guidance for our church experience, so many dilemmas and imagined concerns melt away. When we misunderstand or misappropriate these two insights, our church experience goes off the rails, leading to great frustration and angst.
First, your church’s purpose is not to make you happy.
This sounds so simple that it runs the risk of being simplistic. This appears so obvious that it’s a waste of ink. Yet, in our misunderstanding of church purpose, we live as if this is the guiding light for interpreting our church experience. Since so many of us expect our churches to make us happy, allow me to speak directly to followers of Jesus:
“Your church is not out to get you and make your life miserable.”
- Your church is not the source of your frustration with life.
- Your church is not to blame for your political frustrations.
- Your church is not selling out to the government by insisting on safe COVID protocols.
- Your church is not out to get you and make your life miserable.
- Your church leaders are not likely trying to tear your church apart.
- Your pastor is not likely trying to make a political statement in every line of every sermon.
- Your church and pastor cannot make everything OK for you.
- Your church and pastor cannot resolve your anger, frustration and ongoing chronic stress.
- Your church and pastor are not God, and their role is not to make you happy.
Deep down, we know our churches are not the source of our unhappiness. It’s just that our churches and their leadership are such convenient whipping posts, people and organizations can project our unhappiness onto expecting they will willingly accept it as part of their role. Well, it’s not their role, and they shouldn’t accept it. Your church’s purpose is not to make you happy nor to accept your anger about that fact without pushing back.
Second, your church’s purpose is to help you become like Jesus.
Again, at the risk of appearing simplistic, the need to state the obvious is driving me on. This is what we can and should expect from our churches and their leadership. Our pastors, church staff and lay leaders are called to constantly, consistently and unequivocally call us toward transformation. When we are greater reflections of Jesus as a result of participating with our churches, then our churches are succeeding in achieving their purpose. When we reflect the way of Jesus less than we did before, perhaps we are failing at being church together.
When we know, believe and accept the church’s purpose, then we are not resentful toward our churches when we are challenged. When the issue of racism appears in a sermon, we recognize that our faith calls us to love others. When the COVID restrictions our church practices grind on our nerves, we recognize we are being called to love our neighbors. When our church leadership doesn’t overtly support our political views with the power of their positions, we recognize the gospel transcends partisan politics.
“When we recognize the purpose of church is to transform us into greater reflections of Jesus, we are not offended by being challenged.”
In summary, when we recognize the purpose of church is to transform us into greater reflections of Jesus, we are not offended by being challenged. We expect to be challenged, recognizing we will not grow into God’s hopes and dreams without letting go of our former selves for the new emerging selves who are more centered in Christ.
Even more, when we believe this way, we drop our expectations that our church’s purpose is to make us happy, freeing ourselves from illusions and entering into more robust faith experience. May God help us, and may we help each other get these two insights straight about church purpose.
Your church’s purpose is not to make you happy. Your church’s purpose is to help you become like Jesus.
Expect the former and live disappointed. Expect the latter and live with deep satisfaction and significance.
Mark Tidsworth is founder and team leader for Pinnacle Leadership Associates. He has served as a pastor, new church developer, interim pastor, renewal pastor, therapist, nonprofit director, business owner, leadership coach, congregational consultant, leadership trainer and author. Ordained in the Baptist tradition, Mark is an ecumenical Christian minister based in Chapin, S.C.