Dear Jimmy,
I don’t know what got into me. It all started about eight months ago. As I was passin’ by the television set there in the front room I had a notion to turn it off since there wasn’t a soul in there watchin’ it. Well, I guess your Uncle Orley must’ve poked the remote in his bib overalls again, ‘cause I couldn’t find the clicker in any of its usual hideouts. I even took the cushions off the couch. ‘Course, I could’ve just moseyed on over to the TV and turned it off a whole lot easier, but, truth be told, I didn’t think about turnin’ it off the old-fashioned way until after I’d done decided to watch it. Now, none of this’ll surprise you much, but what I’m fixin’ to tell you next might make your jaw drop and expose your fillin’s.
Jim White
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I got hooked on daytime TV. Oh, at first it was just “Who Wants to be a Millionaire,” but before long I’d slid right into “The Price is Right.” Then came the soaps. I’m so ashamed. Before long I couldn’t wait for “The Biggest Loser” to come on.
Oh, I know a lot of folks watch a whole lot of television and it don’t seem to damage them much. And for some folks, watchin’ TV all day might be the best they can do — a blessin’, even. But until then, I’d never been one to just sit and watch somethin’ instead of bein’ up doin’. Truth be told, as you probably recollect I’ve been real critical of folks who sit and stare at a box for hours at a time. Seemed to me like life was passin’ them by while they just let it. But now, I was the one doin’ the sittin’ and starin’. Time just slipped right on by with me havin’ nothin’ to show for it.
I wasn’t exactly happy with myself for doin’ it. Ever once in a while, I’d give myself a good talkin’ to and tell myself that as a good Christian I ought to “redeem the time,” and that I shouldn’t fill my head with some of that stuff. But then, I’d go right on in, sit down and turn it on. All this seemed so strange, ‘cause it’s not like we just got the dang thing. We’ve had that same old Zenith for years, but all of a sudden like, here I was a boob-tube junkie.
Yes, I had a problem all right, but I tried to keep it from your uncle. Durin’ commercials I’d encourage myself to get up and stuff clothes in the Maytag or start fixin’ dinner, but sometimes I just couldn’t seem find the motivation to move.
That’s when your Uncle Orley sat down between me and the Zenith and asked me if I planned to spend the rest of my life in a vegetative state. He said bein’ a couch potato qualified me. I guess I must have given him the blank stare of an addict, ‘cause the next day he carried me off to young Dr. Payne who has taken over since his dad, old Dr. Payne, retired.
Well, to make a long story a little shorter, part of my problem was that I’m kind of on the edge of diabetes, it seems. I still am, but the doc says my “numbers are gettin’ better.” And for another, Doc Payne says I was depressed. Of course I was depressed. I was wastin’ away in front of the TV set while neglectin’ what I needed to get done. That would depress anybody!
But he says it’s a chemical thing in my brain that’s causin’ it, so he gave me some medicine and, my, oh my, it sure is better. I’m about weaned off daytime TV these days.
Still, all this has taught me a right valuable lesson. I declare, I may plumb choke on all the crow I’m havin’ to eat. I was way too quick to judge people who weren’t up goin’ ninety to nothin’ gettin’ things done. What I realize now is bein’ so driven is a kind of addiction itself. Now, I know I wasn’t an addict like a heroin addict. But still, what else do you call a person who wants to stop what they’re doin’ but they find themselves doin’ it anyway? I’ve gotten a lot more tolerant of other folks, ‘cause you never know what’s goin’ on inside of them.
And, speakin’ of other folks, I’m thinkin’ of startin’ a group for TV addicts. I might call it “Biggest Losers Anonymous,” what do you think?
Bein’ honest with you, nephew, sometimes I feel like I’ve failed to live up to my own standards, much less Jesus’s expectations of me. But then, I just close my eyes and imagine myself crawlin’ up in Jesus’ lap and he hugs me. I’m learnin’ fresh lessons about grace.
I hope you won’t think less of me for sharin’ this, but I think bein’ honest about it will make me stronger. If you’ve got any crow you need to get rid of, send it my way. I think I’m developing a taste for it.
With love, Aunt Ida
Jim White (jwhite@religiousherald.org) is editor of the Religious Herald.