The editorial theme we and our New Voice Media partners chose for this issue has to do with the support ministers (and others) can give each other. Although I have mentioned it in previous editorials, I feel compelled be more specific without betraying confidences.
This year will mark the 22nd anniversary of our peer support group. When I called Charles Chandler, who was even newer to Virginia Baptist life than I was, to propose that we get together to talk about starting a support group, I wasn’t thinking two decades ahead. I simply knew that the stresses on and high expectations of clergy required trusted feedback to stay balanced and grounded. Charles knew this too even better than I because he had been a part of a group previously and had written a book about the value of his experience.
Jim White
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We each selected three others whom we asked to be a part of our group and to our surprise all three eagerly agreed. Calling our first meeting in Richmond, Bob Perry, Keith Harris, Jim Pardue, Eddie Freeman, Bob Dale, Ted Fuson, Charles and I gathered to organize.
In the beginning we opted to meet once every other month from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. and alternate between sharing personal concerns and academic presentations. Within 18 months, however, we tabled academia because the personal concerns took our time and energy.
One of our number discovered his wife was ill and she eventually died. We walked with him through the anger, grief and eventual reorientation of his life. Another of our group meticulously prepared his sermon manuscript as he always did, but did not wake up Sunday morning to deliver it.
Three of our original eight eventually retired and moved away. As they did so, others were invited to join the group just as Randel Everett had following Eddie Freeman’s premature death.
Although we tried to keep the group small enough to allow everyone ample time to share during our gatherings, occasionally circumstances required an unscheduled meeting to provide support for a member going through a crisis. Each year we also schedule an overnight retreat that allows time to really poke around in each other’s lives.
Currently, our group consists of nine members. Charles, Ted, Bob Dale and I continue to be part along with Keith Smith, Dee Whitten, Jay Lawson, Craig Sherouse and Jim Johnson.
An astute reader will recognize the lack of feminine-gender names in our group. On this we have had mixed feelings. Each one of us would like to add women to our group in recognition of their ministerial equality and of the contributions they would make. We felt, however, that given the intimacy of our sharing and the times of vulnerability that sometimes assail people in times of high anxiety, it was a safer choice to remain all male.
Through the 22-year run of our group, 14 members have been a part. We have supported one another through the death of a spouse, forced resignations, crises with our children and grandchildren, anxiety in our ministry settings, church and staff conflicts and marriage issues. And we have celebrated with one another as well!
What has been the value of this group to us? Listen to some of their words:
Bob Dale shares this perspective.
“The seven advantages to me of spending 20 years in one clergy support group are:
“• We have walked together through major successes, losses, and transitions.
“• We have partners and guides as we enter new life stages.
“• We can see and name recurring patterns in each other.
“• We can cut to the chase to provide and hear feedback better.
“• We experience the natural interweaving of the personal and professional dimensions of our lives.
“• We know what it means to be enduring friends and to have enduring friends.
“• We are never alone and are always being held up in prayer.”
Jim Johnson, pastor of Williamsburg Baptist, offers these thoughts.
“Why join a peer group?
“I was really ready to be transparent about life, ministry, the church. I’m not sure I always was, whether because of a lack of maturity or being insecure.
“I certainly wanted to avoid the twin issues of pastoral narcissism (self sufficiency and pride) on the one hand and a sense of lonely isolation with no one to talk to about things on the other.
“A professor of mine in seminary, Bob Dale, encouraged us to find folk that we trusted, could talk to and were not family or church members because you can’t share just everything with either family or church members. So I was finally getting around to it.
“I was dealing with some tough times and really needed some freeing space to deal with them. A therapist can be plenty of help, but the folk in the trenches in ministry really know what you are talking about.”
Jay Lawson, pastor of Warrenton Baptist, adds, “One of the greatest benefits of the group is in being able to allow others into my inner world with the confidence that they will take off their shoes at the door and tread lightly. In our group I know I will get honest feed back from people who care about me. That feedback helps me process events, disappointments and decisions. Often, just being heard lowers my blood pressure and allows me to function better as husband, parent and minister. Being with others who have been through the ‘ministry wars’ forms an ecclesial ‘band of brothers,’ with which it is a privilege to serve. If I am going through a tough time, I know I have friends praying.”
While it is true that iron sharpens iron, so many times what ministers need most is not whetting but healing to keep sharp and focused and balanced.