Resilience is the ability to bounce back or rebound from adversity. We see this in how trees bend in the wind, how shorelines adapt to change or how a forest recovers from a wildfire.
We also see resilience in humans in their remarkable ability to recover after loss, trauma or even abuse.
Environments can mitigate or increase stressors. Positive role models, loving attachment figures, high social support and feelings of belonging all help an individual recover after experiencing adversity. Toxic environments, prolonged trauma and a lack of caring support networks increase the risk of ongoing harm.
Geneece Goertzen-Morrison
Communities can enhance resilience with supportive measures such as deliberate action to decrease stressors, educational programming or effective interventions. However, when the community (think congregation for the case of this article) does not provide supportive measures, social support and assistance after disaster (domestic violence in this instance), it impacts not only the well-being of the survivor and any children, but it also impacts how that survivor understands the congregation to be the body of Christ.
Think about other significant stressors in the life of a congregation — a difficult medical diagnosis, death, a house fire or a local disaster. For each of these, the church body will rally around the individual or family and provide meals, financial support, practical assistance, child care and/or accompaniment during the difficult aftermath. Why isn’t this also a regular occurrence for those who have experienced abuse?
For many of the victims and survivors I have personally spoken with, it is actually the opposite. They have been silenced, shunned, blamed and even asked to leave their churches. Rather than being provided with practical assistance, they are left to fend for themselves. Instead of comfort from fellow church members, they receive dismissal.
“Many of the victims and survivors I have personally spoken with … have been silenced, shunned, blamed and even asked to leave their churches.”
It is much harder to be resilient in the face of rejection and the added trauma of the loss of a church family.
Recovery takes time. Those who have experienced domestic violence need supportive support systems. Domestic violence and the separation or divorce that may follow impact financial, material, social, emotional, spiritual and other losses. Grief may be part of these losses as well.
No one gets into marriage thinking that domestic violence and divorce will follow. No one expects a wedding to lead to physical harm, psychological aggression, verbal insults and slander, economic control, spiritual regulation or neglect.
Even in the face of adversity, survivors of domestic violence show resilience. They have to be resilient to survive what they lived with and to get out of harsh, toxic environments. But imagine how much better their lives would be, imagine how much better off their children would be, if the family of God were there for them. If the family of God surrounded them with love, support, assistance, friendship and belonging.
This is not just important for adult victims, but also for their children. Children are more likely to sustain positive adaptation when there are supportive people around them and protective barriers against negative outcomes.
Many survivors see their faith as a source of strength. Many believe God is a guiding force in their lives. However, they also tend to describe their churches as not being very helpful.
Maybe individuals within the church were helpful, but not the church as a whole. We can change that with education and awareness on this topic. The hope is that churches want to be relevant and supportive and that they will take the actions necessary to be a source of comfort and support for victims and survivors and their children.
For all the pastors, clergy and other faith leaders reading this (even if your role is in a lay-leader capacity), know that about one-third of the women sitting in your pews are affected by domestic violence, and some men as well. Know that in homes where abuse is present children are also likely to be affected, and these adverse experiences lead to many consequences. Know that those in any marginalized group have disproportionate rates of abuse. Know that domestic abuse involves the use of power and control over another person, even if there isn’t consistent physical battering. Know that domestic violence leads to negative outcomes such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, financial instability, attachment disorders, negative coping mechanisms, physical and mental health disorders, disturbed sleep or eating patterns, risky behavior and hopelessness.
Know that your willingness to be educated about abuse and respond compassionately to victims and their children is important. Understand the types of abuse and that there are barriers to leaving. Know that believing survivors and validating their experiences is vital to their well-being.
If churches aren’t a safe place to discuss domestic violence, where will these victims and survivors go? What if instead of being quick to condemn divorce, churches were quick to condemn abuse? Imagine the changes we could make toward the resilience of those harmed by domestic violence if we worked together on creating spaces conducive to healing and recovery.
Geneece Goertzen-Morrison is a Ph.D. student in the Garland School of Social Work at Baylor University and a research fellow for the Center for Church and Community Impact. As a survivor of more than two decades of abuse, her passion for ministry includes the intersection of faith and practice, particularly on the subject of domestic violence. To hear more about domestic violence and resilience, listen to her podcast, “Rise Again with Rev. Gen” anywhere you get your podcasts. Also find her at HopeRiseThrive.com and @Hope.Rise.Thrive on Facebook and Instagram.