Ever since I was a child, I have felt a connection to music and the way it draws on an artist’s experiences and ideas to invoke new experiences and ideas within the listeners. Throughout my journey, whether as a woman in ministry or just as a woman, I have used music to cope in many ways. Music has been a constant companion.
Thus, for my final project in the Women in Ministry class at Baylor University, I created a Spotify playlist. In analyzing our course readings, I distilled five core emotions that captured the experiences articulated by the women we read and studied. I chose songs that expressed depression, loneliness, anger, ancestral hope and resilience to serve as a companion for women in ministry and, potentially, to assist allies of women in ministry in understanding the rollercoaster many women face when they say yes to their call.
Molly Parker
The first section of the playlist embodies grief, depression and hopelessness. Almost every woman we read expressed a feeling of sadness during their time as a woman in ministry, whether it was despair due to the limitations placed on them because of their gender, or other factors leading to emotional moments.
Specifically, I recall Yolanda Pierce’s writing about the heaviness of Holy Saturday in her book In My Grandmother’s House. She recognized there is a difference between living in the resurrection of Christ and living in the desolate hope that lingered before the resurrection. Being a person of faith requires both of those things.
The songs I chose for this section encapsulates the types of grief women in ministry can experience. For example, “History of Man” describes grief by acknowledging the patriarchal history of the world and how women always have been mistreated. And “Strangers” speaks of the grief of not feeling good enough, even for someone who is abusive and evil toward you.
The next experience is loneliness. Many women feel isolated once they decide to pursue ministry. Tara Beth Leach wrote about imposter syndrome and how women can feel underqualified within ministerial situations.
Because of the scarcity of women in the pulpit and the tendency for women to believe they must compete for limited spots, ministry can be isolating. There also can be a sense of forced marooning if a woman decides to pursue ministry against the wishes of her family or the people around her. “My Tears Ricochet” and “Exile” describe these feelings.
Many women also feel angered by the difficulties of being a woman in ministry. Kat Armas explained this feeling through the ethical praxis of jodiendo in her book, Abuelita Faith. Fueled by the anger caused by systems, jodiendo seeks to toy and screw with the system to create instability.
One song that really expresses this is “The Man,” in which Taylor Swift hypothesizes that her actions and ambition would be treated differently if she were a man.
“Taylor Swift hypothesizes that her actions and ambition would be treated differently if she were a man.”
The other songs I have chosen all express a sense of distaste and anger with the stigmas surrounding women and how they have fought against them.
The next emotion, or tenet, is ancestral connection. Almost every author we read emphasized the importance of relying on the women who have raised you to gain strength. Pierce and Armas are the two authors I feel most embody this emotion. Although most of the songs I have chosen for this category like “Mama This One’s for You” and “Class of 2013” are songs dedicated to mothers and the work they have done in their daughters’ lives, “Slipping Through My Fingers” reflects Pierce’s “Afterword by a Daughter,” and “Marjorie” almost directly aligns with the lessons these women have learned from their grandmothers.
The last emotions I noted are strength and resilience. I believe this is inherent in every woman no matter their situation, although it may be harder to unlock in some people. An even better word to describe this would be “emboldened,” just as Tara Beth Leach titled her book. She articulated many different types of emboldening, through mission, imagination, co-laborers and the church.
These songs were some of my favorites to pick, as they are ones that have grounded me countless times.
The last two songs on the playlist, both by Miley Cyrus, show the personal journey of a woman over her life. Cyrus was exploited as a child actor, ridiculed during each season of her life and had her life displayed and critiqued on every media site. Despite this, she remained true to herself and acknowledged the power she always had inside herself. Such self-confidence and resolve are critical for women called to ministry.
Of course, women in ministry also experience joy, fulfillment and purpose. They do. I do. But far too many get stuck for far too long in depression, loneliness and anger because of the people — and systems — set against them.
As we listen and connect through music, may we be reminded to listen to the women called to ministry too. Let us listen to their stories, sit with them in their grief and create space for them to live into their calling.
Molly Parker is a recent religion graduate from Baylor University.
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