Now that Christmas has come and gone, I want to get down to writing this reply to your last letter from your Aunt Ida [“The wisdom of a contented pastor's wife,” Herald, Dec. 4]. This particular letter is about the plight of the pastor's wife.
Now I do remember when pastors' wives complained that the church thought it was getting two for the price of one, and had any number of positions that it was holding open until the new pastor came with his wife. The church wanted her to have her pick of the lot, and it knew for sure she would want to lead out in all the women's activities.
Notice I said that I remember. The reason for that is that it has been at least 50 years since I have heard of such attitudes being prevalent in our Baptist churches, even in the rural areas. I would like to join Ida in her sympathetic feelings about the matter, for in this day of liberated womanhood it seems incredible that we could find anyone still holding such 19th-century ideas in a 21st-century church.
The pastor's wife, of course, is a lofty position. Women naturally will look to her for leadership. This will be demonstrated in a number of ways, depending on the social customs of a given community. Nevertheless, just as soon as they discover her likes and dislikes, her attributes and other things about her, in my experience, by then she is settled comfortably in the life of the church. Many of the women will be on a first name basis and friendships will develop just as they normally do. Many times the pastor's wife holds a position outside the home, just as the other women do. They know that she has children or other tasks that keep her busy.
The pastor's wife readily finds friends with whom she enjoys close Christian fellowship, and the leaders will look to her for suggestions, believing that being the pastor's wife, she will know how he thinks about things. In my storytelling career, I have traveled widely in our convention. I have been in the homes of many pastors, and it is my joy to have several of these couples as close friends. These women lead happy, fulfilled lives, with all sorts of loving friends in their churches.
Now the matter of getting the pastor's ear through his wife's is something I have not heard about before, but I can assure you that most pastors' wives of today have the social skills necessary to deal with all sorts of people who make up the pastorate. In the first place, she usually knew she was marrying a pastor before she married him. She is well prepared for the task, and most of the time it is a joint venture. She is the First Lady of the Congregation. She takes great joy in sharing his shepherding tasks that suit her personality. For example, a pastor's wife that I know always took her place at one of the doors on Sunday morning and greeted the ones who made their exit at that place. The people loved having that chance to speak to her. The line was long that led to her door! Her husband loved having her assist him in that way. People did not hesitate to say how good it was of them to do that.
I am glad you took Ida's suggestion to do a piece in the Herald about the matter, for she is to be commended for her sensitivity and for her readiness to lead out to correct any tendency that might exist to hold unreal expectations of the pastor's wife, for Heaven's sake!
Maxine Bersch Lovern, Richmond