My friend Gary lived a productive life and had loved ones he cared for and who loved him. He left his mark on his new church late in life and on me as his new pastor.
Gary experienced multiple health challenges near the end of his life, including a tumultuous seven-week period in three separate facilities before returning home. Then he unexpectedly departed for Heaven. And although you probably never met him, he is an excellent example of a growing need for pastors and deacons alike — senior pastoral care for those facing long-term illness, a lengthy recovery and eventual health decline.
As a new pastor in my first church, I visited Gary several days each week as he recovered, learning about his adventurous life and trying to help as best I could. Frankly, though, as a new pastor, I felt uneasy and unsure much of the time. In the end, I relied on advice from my own pastors, Dan Ficklin, and Tom Gaskins, who told me, “It is important that you are there, Mike, not specifically what you say. Just love them.”
Sage advice to be sure, but I always wanted to do more or help his family in more meaningful and practical ways.
The question I began to ask myself was this: How do I as pastor, adapt to my church’s growing senior ministry need? I wanted to know what else I could do beyond just “showing up to pray.”
At first, I could not find information that provided the guidance I was seeking. Time was my enemy and not an ally, as three more church members entered similar situations within months. My desire was most certainly there, but what I lacked was specific knowledge of the many community resources available and how to connect church members with the help they deserve. So I began to look for answers.
What I found surprised and saddened me. Our Christian community has hundreds of printed and Internet resource books aimed at pastors, deacons and church staff on Bible study, leadership, teaching and ministries to children, youth, women and men. But where are all the experts teaching us how to provide excellent pastoral care to aging seniors and their families, especially those facing long term illness? Who can answer these pressing senior ministry questions:
• How do we minister to an aged couple struggling to cope with caring for each other at home? The care becomes even more complex if one or both have specific limitations, and they may find increased expenses related to their care too much to manage in addition to their normal bills.
• How does a deacon minister to a family stressing over providing care for an aging parent with long-term illness while also trying to live their own lives (like having a job and caring for children)?
• What advice do I give to children trying to decide whether or not Mom should move in with them or into a nursing home?
• Because they are issues for our congregation, do I have a responsibility to discuss the need for end of life medical care directives and advanced financial planning from pulpit?
• Is it smart or safe to recommend professionals such as insurance agents or financial advisors?
• What help from existing organizations can pastors or deacons get for church members with specific needs —kidney dialysis, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, hospice care, etc. According to the Center for a Secure Retirement, more than 9,000 Americans turn age 65 every day. According to the United Way, this “age wave” will result in more older adults in society than school-aged children within 20 years. The crisis is very real and growing.
Despite their calm look and serene appearance, many servants of God are unsure of their role when their friends and fellow church members are faced with long-term illness. These servants are especially lacking in knowledge of the available senior-related community resources. Worse, many do not know where to turn for answers.
To meet just such a need, the Virginia Council of Churches is sponsoring an event called “Aging in Place with Grace: Equipping Churches for Senior Ministry in the Age of the Baby Boomer” at the Jefferson Lakeside Country Club in Richmond on Tuesday, Oct. 22, 2013 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
This event will feature two keynote presentations by cardiologist Cliff Morris and author Danny Goddard. Other experts are slated to share insights on medical, spiritual, physical, financial and insurance issues. There will also be an all-day Vendor EXPO featuring senior service organizations. Lunch and a free round of golf is included.
As spiritual leaders, we are called by God to tend to the widows, orphans, the sick and the dying. We thus have an obligation and usually a keen desire to help church members like Gary. So here are four steps your church can take to address this vital senior ministry issue:
1) Assess the needs of seniors in your church membership, and share these with pastors, staff and deacons who minister to them. Share needs, concerns, prayers and practical solutions.
2) Learn what senior resources are available in your county. Whether they are government, non-profit or commercial, you must know what help is available in your neighborhood.
3) Introduce yourself to those who offer senior services. There is no substitute for being able to call the head of a support organization for help with a specific need.
4) Become a student of senior ministry. The demands of an aging population are only going to become more prominent. Learn senior issues, their language and the available solutions to common age-related problems. Read books, attend learning events and seek counsel with experienced senior service providers. Remember, your most important teachers will be the seniors themselves.
Most pastors and deacons care a great deal about their people. As I learned many years ago, “People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care. But once they know how much you care, all they care about is how much you know.”
Your church must become familiar with senior ministry issues, their causes and how best to coordinate an effective response. My mentors were right: Just being there is a helpful ministry. But I have discovered our ministry is even more effective if we have practical help we can offer them.
Mike McMeniman is pastor of Sharon Baptist Church in Green Bay, Va. To register for the Aging in Place with Grace event in October, visit www. VACouncilofChurches.org or call 804.261.1740.