Sooner or later a deacon who ministers to families or who is part of a hospital visitation team will care for a person with a life-threatening illness. Ironically, just when we need to move closer to church members who are facing their own mortality, our tendency is to withdraw. Even family members begin to distance themselves, emotionally, as the illness progresses to a critical level.
Jim White
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Hospice caregivers have a lot to teach deacons seeking to comfort those with life-threatening illnesses, and especially to those in the final stages of life. Hospice caregivers know that death is a natural part of life and are unafraid to be around it. This very attitude is a part of the comfort they administer.
Deacons have a long history of providing care for the critically ill. In his book, The Emerging Role of Deacons, Charles Deweese records, “In a plague that struck Alexandria about A.D. 259, deacons were described by an eyewitness as those who ‘visited the sick fearlessly,’ ‘ministered to them continually’ and ‘died with them most joyfully.’”
The following poem was written by Dianna Y. Bailey, a cancer patient who was challenged by a pastor to describe what it feels like to live with that disease. She calls it Devastation of Cancer.
Cancer made me feel alone.
Nothing else could set this tone.
The news that hits; an icy blast,
The devastation that tends to last.
The news for which I can’t prepare,
The scattered thoughts that linger there,
Confused and overwhelming fear.
Is the end of life too near?
I search and search for answered prayer
I need God to really care
The wonder of, “What will I lose?
What medical options should
I choose?”
I browse through the Internet
And find more than I care to get,
The increased fear and info search,
The contact of supportive church.
God works through people, I am told.
I ponder on this thought, I hold
The mixed emotions I endure.
Are doctors soon to find a cure?
I pray, I cry, I want to shout,
“Why me, God?” as feeling doubt.
My faith is tested as I hope
To find the strength of how to cope.
My purpose here — I want to live!
My own existence is what I give
The friends who know not what to say
And many others who back away.
Good intentions, but words said wrong,
Of someone attempting all along
To make it better, but their words fail
With lack of knowledge of what to tell.
“I once knew someone with cancer, too.
They died. Of course. But not that you
Will also meet that same fate.
Medical advances are up to date.”
I know they meant to say it right,
But words failed, somehow, to shine a light.
I need you just to be with me
And spend some time and you will see:
No words need said if you don’t know
The words to say or how to show
Compassion. Companionship will do.
That’s what I need right now from you.
And all the prayers I welcome, too,
And sharing just a part of you;
Just to know that someone cares
Enough to include me in their prayers.
Support through treatments, and to say,
“We just got through another day.”
I’ll have bad days, and some good.
Just share your time, please, if you would.
God, be with me every day,
Help loneliness and fear to go away.
Please help doctors a cure to find,
And thanks for friends and peace of mind.
As a deacon minister, notice her references to loneliness and isolation, and her need for companionship and compassion. She didn’t need someone to explain why she had cancer or to tell her stories of other cancer victims.
In your ministry to those with life-threatening illnesses, here are a few essentials:
• Go. Even if you don’t know what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong thing, your non-verbal presence says more than you know. Generally, it is better to make an appointment, however. Often certain days or times of the day are better than others.
• Don’t try to explain, don’t promise more than you can deliver (like healing), don’t tell of experiences you have had with cancer patients unless it will provide reason for them to hope.
• Do be prepared to read a passage(s) of Scripture assuring them of God’s presence and help, and to pray with them. It is a good idea to ask them for permission to do so, however.
• As you get to know the person and the circumstances, sometimes it is good to take some small gift.
• Remember that you have a sacred opportunity to minister in Christ’s name not only to the individual, but also to the family during a critical point in time.
• Although it can be frightening, before you go, spend some time imagining what it might feel like to be the person you are going to visit.
I’m happy to report that Dianna received the miracle she and her friends and fellow church members prayed for. She is now cancer free.
Jim White ([email protected]) is executive editor of the Religious Herald.