Among those church families most needing ministry are those who can leave their homes only with difficulty. These “homebound” members often find their worlds have shrunk to their immediate surroundings and are sometimes desperate for human contact and news of the outside. Often they have been leaders in their churches, but now that they no longer attend regularly, it seems to many that their churches have forgotten them.
Such a claim cannot be made, however, by older adults assigned to DeAnne Shelton, a deacon of River Road Church (Baptist) in Richmond.
“DeAnne is fantastic,” volunteered Sue Strother, a resident of Lakewood Manor, a Baptist retirement community in Richmond.
When Shelton was chosen to be a deacon a little over three years ago, she gave little thought to the kinds of families who would be assigned to her, but three years ago the deacons restructured the Deacon Family Ministry Plan, which they call the Care Group Ministry, by reducing the number of families assigned to deacons and by grouping them as close as possible to the deacon’s home.
Included in her group were a number of homebound church members, several of whom were residents of Lakewood Manor. “DeAnne is always there for us,” Strother praised.
For her part, however, Shelton is reluctant to accept such accolades. “I understand if a deacon is hesitant to make visits,” shared Shelton, who said that in the beginning she had to overcome stereotypes often associated with nursing facilities. “Right away we were encouraged to minister to our care groups. I am an advocate of handwritten notes, so that’s how I started. People like to get mail. The older people in my care group still think in terms of the mail! Writing a letter and getting something in the mail is special.”
Shelton emphasizes, however, that while notes and even phone calls are important, a personal visit is usually better. Still, Shelton, a wife and mother of two children (14 and 7), understands the time pressures deacons often feel. “There were times when I was so busy I had to call if we were going to have any contact at all!”
What suggestions would Shelton have for deacons who minister to older adults? Although she is reluctant to give advice, from her own experiences she believes the following would be helpful.
1. Begin with the time you can give! It is so easy to procrastinate. Schedule a time you will start — and start! It doesn’t have to be a visit. If you only have time to write a note, do that. At least you are making contact! In fact, one advantage to a note is that it can be read again and again.
2. Like anything else, the more experience you have, the easier it gets. “I began making visits and the longer I was a deacon the more comfortable I became. And everyone enjoyed the visits, myself included. Taking the time to go and visit is important especially to the older people. My folks were very receptive.”
3. To get motivated, think about how they will feel when you visit. “You have to overcome your fear and build a relationship. I think they like that. Not everyone wants you to come and visit, but for those who live in a retirement community and are not able to get out, having someone come to them provides a bright spot in their week. Often they ask, ‘When are you coming back again?’ ”
4. To get motivated, “Think about how you will feel after your visit. It will make you feel so good inside! For me it is a way that I can be a good steward of what Christ has given me and a way to become more Christ-like.”
5. Think ahead about things to talk about. As you build relationships with your folks, you will find yourself keeping up with their families and what’s going on with them, she offers. But, sometimes the conversation will be mostly one-sided. Older adults sometimes have trouble talking either because of a stroke or illness or because they have trouble breathing. Be prepared to carry the conversation by telling them about your family, describe the weather, talk about the church. Their world has gotten very small, so bringing news from outside is important to them.
6. Ministry can be more than just talking. Some older adults have trouble seeing and therefore, reading is a problem. Ask if there is something they would like for you to read from the Bible, a favorite poem or the church newsletter. A game of checkers can be a thrill. Retirement centers will usually do their best to accommodate your plans if you want to get together with your group of residents in the dining room for lunch.
7. Develop a resource person you can go to for help. Shelton reflected on times she sought counsel from Dan Bagby, a seminary professor in her church, for help in knowing how to help those who were grieving.
8. More than anything else, Shelton believes it is important to be available to them. “For so many older adults life becomes predictable and repetitive, ‘the same old same old every day.’ Having someone to contact them lets them know they are important and gives their lives variety. I think it makes a big difference.”
Jim White ([email protected]) is executive editor of the Religious Herald.