The old hymn, Learning to Lean, encourages Christians to learn to lean on Jesus when they face life’s difficulties. Believers today emphasize being God’s hands and feet to minister to the world.
But how many believers allow brothers and sisters in Christ to serve that role in their own lives? How many have learned to allow God to minister to them through the hands and feet of other Christians?
“Unfortunately, our culture has historically defined ‘strength’ as handling things ourselves,” noted Paula Batts, director of the Christian Counseling Center in Dalton, Ga. “I often tell clients that it takes more strength to walk through the doors of our counseling center and allow someone else into our personal lives than to keep our struggles zipped up and pretend all is well.”
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Batts suggests the first step, particularly for Christians, is “to redefine ‘strength.’”
Christians often find it difficult to admit when a problem arises and tend to present a false front, especially to fellow believers.
“Regrettably, many churches are communities consisting of ‘familiar strangers’ more than ‘brothers and sisters in Christ,” David Hughes explained.
Hughes recently retired as pastor of First Baptist Church in Winston-Salem to become executive director of the Transforming Center in Wheaton, Ill. Its website describes the center as a community, rather than an organization, that assists ministers and church leaders with spiritual formation.
“A high premium is placed upon presenting a life far more solid and put together than it actually is,” he added. “This deception is a function of what Thomas Merton and others have labeled the ‘false self,’ or that part of us devoted to gaining the approval of others at all cost.”
That desire for approval often masks needs others might be able to help address.
“Week after week, Christians file into churches, acting as though all is well, when in fact they may be dying on the inside because of marriage and family conflict, financial challenges, job stress, health issues, addictive behaviors and/or spiritual doubt,” he said. “The false self insists on putting up a brave front, a facade that insists that life is perfectly fine.”
Believers who always present a stiff upper-lip risk losing the face they are trying to save and the help to deal with the need they are hiding.
“I have noticed that people will wait until they are financially bereft before asking for help from our benevolence fund. And spouses will delay marriage counseling until so much damage has been done that their marriage is beyond repair,” Hughes explained.
Removing the mask of the appearance of total self-reliance allows Christians to develop deeper relationships with one another, Batts said.
“Most of us are far better at giving than receiving. We want to support each other with food, financial help, a listening ear,” she explained. “It makes our relationships so much more balanced when we are able to receive ministry from others.”
Christians also might hurt their witness for Christ before others by their refusal to accept help, some believe.
That reluctance to allow others to minister fails to follow Jesus’ example and could be construed as disobedience, Hughes said. He pointed out Jesus asked the Samaritan woman for a drink, recruited disciples to help him accomplish his ministry and called on them to pray for him as he struggled in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Robert Creech, director of pastoral ministries studies at Baylor University’s Truett Theological Seminary, sees pride and ingratitude.
“It probably is a poor witness to refuse ministry at the hands of Christ’s servants. It is in a way a denial of ministry from Christ himself and a kind of ingratitude toward God,” he explained.
“At best, it is prideful. At worst, it is a kind of theology that refuses to recognize the presence of Christ in one’s brother or sister. It can be manifested by a refusal to admit one’s needs, a lack of transparency about one’s life and a prideful dismissal of offers to help.”
Batts acknowledged refusal might reflect on an individual’s witness but their actions toward others might counteract it.
“Perhaps those who don’t accept ministry are excellent at giving to others, so it is difficult to say they are a poor witness,” she said.
Hughes added that followers must follow Jesus’ example: “The Light of the World did not hide his needs or fears from those round him, and yet he changed the world. Why should those of us who follow him think our witness will be more powerful and effective if all that people around us see is our ‘holy face’?”
Vicki Brown ([email protected]) is managing editor of Word &?Way.