By David Wilkinson
Is it ever a good idea to turn down someone’s offer to pray for you?
My neighbor thought so.
My wife, Melanie, and I were talking with Kathy and Joe on the sidewalk in front of their home one evening when another neighbor’s dog trotted up. Kathy volunteered to walk the dog up the street to return him to his owners.
She returned about 15 minutes later and announced, “I just did something I’ve never done before. I said no to prayer!”
That sparked our interest, especially since Kathy is a praying kind of Christian.
She told us when the neighbors answered the door and saw Kathy and their dog on the front porch, they invited her to step inside. The couple had met Kathy and Joe several times since moving into the neighborhood a few months earlier, but the husband did not recall Kathy’s name. She reintroduced herself, pointed out where she and Joe lived and added that Joe was a high school teacher.
Kathy went on to mention that the past few weeks had been stressful since Joe was a first-year teacher and the local school board had announced that many teachers’ contracts would not be renewed due to budget cutbacks. After inquiring about the couple’s young children, Kathy turned to leave.
She was surprised when the husband asked, “May we pray for you?” But not too surprised to think before she replied.
“Thank you,” she said. “But I’m going to decline.”
The couple was clearly stunned.
“Let me tell you why,” Kathy explained. “Prayer is very important to me. But we don’t really know each other. I’d like to get to know you better. And we would like to get to know your children. Maybe we could have you over for dinner sometime. Then, as time goes by and a need arises, we can pray for each other. Frankly, it will mean much more to me.”
I was nearly as stunned as our new neighbors had been. It would have been much easier for Kathy simply to say yes, especially since she didn’t want to offend them. But she chose the harder and more honest route.
As it turned out, Kathy had already given some thought to the matter. A few weeks before, she had been planting flowers in their back yard when she noticed a young woman pushing a baby stroller down the street. When the woman waved and said hello, Kathy walked over to introduce herself, and they talked for a few minutes.
“May I pray for you?” the young woman suddenly asked. “Sure,” Kathy said. “That would be nice.”
Later, as she reflected on the experience, Kathy concluded she had responded positively just to be polite. She certainly didn’t want to suggest that she did not believe in prayer.
In the weeks that followed she discovered that other friends and church members had experienced similar “May I pray for you?” encounters with perfect strangers — all of whom were members of a church known for its evangelistic zeal.
While being careful not to question their motives, Kathy determined that, for her part, prayer was too important to be treated lightly.
I think she’s on to something. Christians should be very cautious about using prayer as a tool for evangelistic witness. Even when the pray-er is sincere, the prayed-for may well be thinking, “This person doesn’t know a thing about me other than my name, but what’s the harm?” Prayer is trivialized.
All prayer, including intercessory prayer, is rooted in relationship. Too often “I’ll be praying for you” is the equivalent of “How are you?” as more of a social courtesy than an honest question. On the other hand, I have been ushered into holy space by the heartfelt prayer of a friend.
Relationship also lies at the heart of pastoral prayer in corporate worship. Thoughtful words are spoken by a minister who has been present with the congregation, who has truly listened to their deepest hopes and hurts, and who now gives voice to their prayers.
At other times the most meaningful prayer is unspoken. A friend simply sits with you in your grief or pain, allowing the ministry of presence to speak to your soul rather than filling the silence with mere words. Whether spoken or unspoken, public or private, prayer is always a profoundly intimate act.
Furthermore, when prayer is rooted in relationship, words lead to action. The punctuation of prayer is not a period but a colon.
An African proverb reminds us, “When you pray, move your feet.”