Having difficult conversations has become more challenging than ever.
We have more ways to communicate with others than any previous generation, yet many of us seem increasingly unable to talk with one another. Even though we can send messages around the world in an instant, we struggle to talk with neighbors who see the world in a different way than we do.
One reason could be that some subjects have become hot topics.
Matthew Tennant
These issues have so much emotional energy that merely raising them can feel fraught. This includes politics, racial reconciliation, religion, immigration, gender equality, abortion rights, climate change or other environmental topics, wars like Israel and Palestine or Russia and Ukraine, and education.
On the one hand, this list is long, and these examples are not exhaustive. When almost any of these subjects come up, the temperature rises quickly. On the other hand, under the banner of Christ, people of faith could form communities where we can discuss hot topics and have healthy, bold conversations.
In his 1988 book 20 Hot Potatoes Christians Are Afraid to Touch, Tony Campolo engages with hot topics of his time. He asks questions. He uses Scripture. And he tries to write in a fearless yet compassionate way. In the postscript, he writes, “Dialogue is important, but we must do more than talk about these heavy issues.”
“To be bold does not mean to be belligerent.”
Faith communities can foster connections in which people can talk and act in response to the difficult subjects we face today. If this is to happen, then churches cannot avoid tackling difficult subjects. Being faithful followers of Christ sometimes requires bold conversations.
To be bold does not mean to be belligerent. We don’t leave our filters in the church parking lots and enter these conversations by saying whatever comes to mind. That’s not courageous. It’s inconsiderate.
Jesus calls his followers to love God and love our neighbors. We cannot do this by defeating others through clever debate. Being bold in the name of Christ means having the courage to engage with these topics with honesty, openness and humility. During any interaction, regardless of the other person’s beliefs or position on an issue, God calls us to help maintain everyone’s dignity.
In the Bible, we find Jesus always willing to have difficult conversations. He engaged with people whom others avoided. He asked questions that made people uncomfortable. He pushed against societal assumptions. And he told stories that unsettled his listeners. For him, people were not a problem to solve but agents for transformation, justice and God’s love.
Today, this is the kind of Jesus we need. This is a Savior of inclusion, love and redemption. He didn’t lable people as “liberal” or “conservative” or use categories to define them. He loved them where they were.
When many people encounter someone, the first step is to place that person in a category. Instead, what if we listened? We might think we know what they believe, but if we’re honest, do we?
When we make assumptions and put people into categories, conversations become combat. Dialogue becomes impossible. And growth is nonexistent.
“Having a bold conversation means believing truth is worth seeking.”
Having a bold conversation means believing truth is worth seeking. It also means no one has a monopoly on the right answers.
This doesn’t mean every position is equal or valid or well-conceived. Some claims are demonstrably false, and some arguments have poor reasoning or are based on a logical fallacy. Intellectual humility doesn’t mean intellectual surrender. But entering a conversation with humility helps us remember we could be wrong, and we might have something we can learn.
In the Bible, we find Jesus asked people questions:
- “Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye but miss the log in your own?” (Matthew 7:3)
- “Why are you afraid?” (Matthew 8:26)
- “Which is easier to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Rise and walk?’” (Matthew 9:5)
Following this example, we can approach bold conversations with open, inquisitive and humble questions. We can say things like: What concerns you about this issue? How does this impact other people? Can you help me understand how you arrived at this position? These questions are just a start.
The point isn’t to win. It’s to invite someone to engage. The goal is to help other people experience your empathy.
Whenever we engage in bold conversations, we must be realistic. Having a conversation will not solve every disagreement. Perhaps the differences between two positions are too great. And in the case of injustice, talking about it falls far short of acting. Yet how people disagree with one another matters.
Christ-followers profess believing every person is made in the image of God. This has a radical impact on the way we see each other. The person who disagrees with me is not an obstacle between me and getting my way. That person is my neighbor, and Jesus gave very clear guidance on how people are to treat one another: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
That command, “Love your neighbor,” is the basis for engaging in bold conversations. It’s the reason to be open, inquisitive and humble in interactions, especially when they relate to hot topics. Loving someone who affirms us and our beliefs is easy. The greater challenge, and the one needed desperately today, is to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5.44).
This is why churches can be practice grounds for difficult conversations, places of healthy dialogue and beneficial disagreements.
Imagine a church where people could talk about immigration without assuming emphasizing border security means lacking compassion, or welcoming migrants means disregarding the law. Imagine a conversation about abortion without name calling or slogans. Imagine having honest, fruitful dialogue about climate change, economics, politics, reparations, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia and so on.
What a witness that would be!
Matthew Tennant serves as senior pastor of University Baptist Church in Charlottesville, Va. He is a graduate of Carson-Newman College, University of Alabama at Birmingham, Baptist Theological Seminary at Richmond, and University of Oxford. He has written several books, including Crossing the Lines We Draw.