By Roger Lovette
I recently sat in a room with 13 ministers and their spouses who had gathered from across the country for a week-long retreat. The group was connected by a common thread: Each minister had been dismissed from the church he or she had served. Some were young, just starting; some were gray-haired and in their 60s. Some had been senior pastors; some had served in other staff positions.
It was a week of pain and heartbreak. Tears ran down our faces as we heard story after story of abuse, betrayal and trumped-up charges. One couple that had served a church for almost a decade found themselves swept away casually as if all those years and work did not matter.
It wasn’t that all of these clergy couples were perfect; some had made terrible mistakes. Some had naïvely thought this would never happen to them.
But the toll on their lives has been enormous. Marriages have suffered. Finances have taken a nose-dive. Children have lost their stable base and find themselves uprooted from friends and schools and familiarity. Some families have been left without medical insurance. Churches have been fragmented and weakened, often by the actions of a small faction within the congregation. Dispirited and frustrated members have left in search of calmer waters.
The Anglican Church of St. Mary the Virgin in Iffley, England.
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The depression in that circle of ministry colleagues was formidable. A therapist offered guidance. A spiritual director pointed the way. Lawyers, nutritionists and businesspersons offered practical advice. Participants took a psychological test and received personal counseling. Most of the retreat’s leaders had been through similar experiences of dismissal and termination.
When the retreat ended, these 13 couples returned to what they had left — children wondering about the future, resumes needing to be prepared and houses needing to be put on the market. These men and women left with no idea about what the future holds. But they went away with a hope they had found with the help of some leaders who had walked similar paths and come out on the far side. They had discovered some resources for additional help. There were phone numbers to call and people to talk with who would understand.
The best statistics tell us that 1,600 ministers are dismissed or forced to resign every month in America. Leadership magazine reported more than a decade ago that nearly 23 percent of all ministers will be forced out before their careers end — and that 67 percent of those affected will face forced termination more than once. Various indicators suggest these percentages have continued to climb. The Barna Institute says that in the United States a pastor is forced out every six minutes.
A sign listing the past vicars of the Anglican Church of St. Mary the Virgin in Iffley, England.
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I left the retreat wishing that laypersons could sit in that room and listen to the stories and hear the pain that churches cause. Church members need to hear of the collateral damage forced termination brings. They would see clergy families forced to deal with financial and vocational crises. They would begin to understand the minister’s children who watch from the sidelines at the pain their parents feel. Church folk would understand the depression that falls like a fog on these pastors and their families. Surely there must be a better way to resolve conflict in the local church than forced termination.
As we said goodbye, I remembered an Anglican church I had visited in the village of Iffley, outside Oxford, England. The Church of St. Mary the Virgin dates back to 1170 A.D. On the wall in the narthex was a large wooden board. Written across the top was the message: “Incumbents who have served this parish.” Underneath were the names and years of every minister who had served the congregation. The first group covered the years 1170 to 1279. There was a gap from 1279 to 1432, but then the names began again and continued to the present. Most of the ministers served far longer than the average tenure for Protestant pastors in the United States; some of the vicars had served the Iffley congregation for over 50 years. I know that arrangement for calling Anglican priests and ministers is far different from our Baptist experience, but I could not help but think of the names on the wall as I drove home from the retreat.
The Barna Institute reports that ministers who stay 10 years are more likely to have their most effective tenures as pastors. Surely we can find better ways to deal with the hard side of church life than just dismissing ministers and staff persons and starting over again. Sometimes this is the necessary course — but 1,600 dismissals every month? Did Christ have this in mind when he told Peter, “Upon this rock I will build my church?”