I remember how clear and cold it was on that New Mexico morning as I sat sipping coffee with two pastors at the Glorieta Conference Center. At the time, in the mid-1980s, I was editing The Deacon, a publication of the Baptist Sunday School Board, now LifeWay.
“You know what you need to tell them deacons?” one asked? Then, without waiting for a reply, he offered, “You need to tell them deacons to do what their pastor tells them. There's God …” he said, extending his right hand about 18 inches above the table and forming a circle with his fingers and thumb,” … then there's the pastor and then the deacons.” This he declared while moving the circle representing each downward to represent the chain of command he envisioned.
Jim White
Not usually at a loss for words, I simply could not formulate a response, though his countenance made it clear that he expected one. The other pastor at the table, an acquaintance of his, rescued me. “Maybe that's why you had to leave your last church,” he deadpanned.
The issue of pastoral authority is probably as old as the church itself. The Scriptures themselves give evidence of this as when Peter urges the elders to be “eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you” (1 Peter 5:2-3). Apparently, if not in actual practice at least in tendency, some pastors were prone to think of themselves as personages to be served and obeyed; else the admonition would have held no meaning for those of that age.
But it is equally apparent that some pastors found their people to be cantankerous and contentious, for the author of Hebrews was led to write, “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you” (Heb. 13:17).
It is rumored that even today pastors and churches occasionally suffer from both sets of problems. Perhaps it is important to note that in both instances, the biblical writers and the Spirit who inspired them seem not to be calling for absolutes. That is, although the pastor is not to lord it over his people he is certainly expected to have an appropriate degree of influence with them. And although the people are to obey their pastor they should do so not with mindless subservience but with respectful deference. (Their exact degree of respect and deference will depend on several factors.)
Evidence of this is found earlier in the chapter when the people are admonished to not be carried away by strange teachings (Heb. 13:9). They are not to “obey” to the point of believing whatever they are told, but to evaluate the teachings on the basis of the “grace” they have within them.
The relationship of pastor and people then, should be built on mutual respect for each other and mutual commitment to advance Christ's kingdom.
Too often the relationship between pastor and people deteriorates to the level of a contest of wills. When this happens, winning becomes most important. Manipulations may occur, pressure may be exerted, insinuations may be cast and outright falsehoods may be suggested. Although the parties involved usually believe themselves to be far too spiritual to lie, they are not above intentionally leading someone to embrace a false conclusion. In a contest of wills, somebody usually gets his or her way, but there are no winners. And the church almost always loses.
So what should pastors do to guarantee good relations with congregants?
First, understand that pastors earn influence. Oh, a certain amount comes with the office, of course; but real influence is earned as the church members see their pastor working hard to live an authentic Christian life among them. They witness integrity and, although they are not necessarily looking for them, inconsistencies are observed and noted in their minds. Hypocrisy moves influence back to zero.
Second, love them. Only very large churches do not expect their pastors to be with them in their moments of crisis. It is hard for church members to believe their pastor cares if the pastor does not respond to their needs. They may be needy and sometimes demanding. Occasionally, they act unlovely. But their pastor will show them how to love the unlovely. Listen to them and value them.
Third, empathize. Walk in their shoes. One of the most beneficial experiences a pastor and church can have is for the pastor to take a few Sundays every five years and go sit in a pew someplace during worship. The view from the pew is very different from the perspective of the pulpit.
But what about the church? What can it do to improve relations?
First, listen to the person you called to be your pastor. In Baptist churches, no pastor is appointed against the church's will. What sense does it make to say, “We believe God has called that person,” then pay no attention to what the pastor says?
Second, be an encourager. Nurture your pastor's dreams and share your own. The vision of a new ministry often begins as a dream in someone's mind and heart. When dreams are crushed, more than the dreams die. Discouragement kills joy and it will greatly benefit your church to have a joyful pastor.
Third, be a partner, not a critic. What is life like for your pastor? What would it be like to feel the responsibility of preparing and delivering a new message from the Lord every Sunday—to say nothing of other responsibilities? Be gentle and forgiving when your pastor fails. Seek to have the heart and mind of Christ because you have been called to serve the Lord through your church just as surely as the pastor. Cooperate in your service and don't compete.
When Jesus mentioned relationships, this is what he said: “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:42-45). Not over-under, but side-by-side.