With the fiscal cliff narrowly averted, the nation’s attention was drawn to the gridiron as perennial powerhouse Alabama squared off against the Irish of Notre Dame for the national college football championship. As Bama’s Crimson Tide rolled mercilessly over the somewhat less-than-fighting Irish, drama on the field diminished, so ESPN broadcaster Brent Musburger began to look for something besides the game to keep viewers interested. He found what he was looking for in the stands.
In a sense, the scene was made for TV. There, sitting with other fans and beside the mother of A.J. McCarron (Alabama’s quarterback), poised and beautiful, was the reigning Miss Alabama, Katherine Webb, an Auburn grad. That would be drama enough for a great human interest diversion from the game, but there was more! Katherine also happens to be the Alabama quarterback’s girlfriend.
Jim White |
Repeatedly, during the Alabama trouncing of previously unbeaten Notre Dame, the camera returned to the statuesque woman in the stands. Musburger called her a “lovely lady,” and “a beautiful woman.” His sidekick Kirk Herbstreit added, “A.J.’s doing some things right.”
But Musburger’s comments were too much for some. Contending that Musburger’s tongue was an offensive weapon equal to McCarron’s arm, they demanded that ESPN, and Musburger, apologize. ESPN quickly complied, saying Musburger had gone “too far.” Through his agent, who is also his brother, Musburger said he had nothing to add.
For her part, Webb took the high road telling the Today show’s Matt Lauer that she chose not to be offended. “I don’t see why any woman wouldn’t be flattered by that,” she graciously added.
My purpose in writing is not to defend Musburger’s comments nor to rub salt into the still open wounds of Notre Dame fans. Rather, I find in Webb’s attitude a refreshing antidote to a dis-ease (hyphen intended) that has manifested itself even in the church.
So many people and so many groups are so easily offended these days. This is not to say that some offenses are not real and hurtful, but in many cases people just need to get over themselves. In other cases, though the offense may be painful, the more mature course of action is overlooking it and checking any tendency to seek vengeance. In many cases, choosing not to take offense is a highroad not taken.
The writer of Proverbs weighed in on this topic by saying, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (19:11, To-day’s New International Version).
Think how much better church life would be if we could overlook offenses. I suspect that most things that offend us are unintended and misunderstood. By overlooking the slight, we keep open the lines of communication. Usually, in the natural course of relationships, we discover our mistaken assumption. If we can avoid jumping to conclusions we will save our energy for more productive pursuits and also preserve unity within the body of Christ!
But let’s be honest. Sometimes a person intends, through something said or done, to hurt us. Maybe they are simply evil people, or perhaps they took offense at an unintended slight and are getting back at us. For whatever reason, let’s say they deliberately try to hurt us and succeed. By taking offense, we can make the problem ours or by refusing to take offense we can leave the problem with them.
Some of you, no doubt, are saying, “That sounds good in theory, but in real life it is too impractical. It would never work.” That’s not what Jesus thought when he was laid out on the cross and nails driven through his hands and feet. My guess is the Roman soldiers intended the offense. Nevertheless, Jesus refused to accept it. He chose, instead, to see the cause of the offensive behavior: they simply didn’t know what they were doing. Was it easy for Jesus to do? I would imagine not. His prayer, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do,” may have been born in his struggle to remain unoffended despite his pain.
In a thousand little ways this affects church life. A music director chooses one person for a solo and another is offended. As a result, relationships sour and joy is sacrificed. The pastor fails to visit someone and offense is taken and conclusions are drawn. The church, and the abundance we can know as Christians, suffer. A secret shared in confidence becomes a juicy tidbit of gossip and it is hard not to take offense. Sometimes an honest inquiry is necessary: “I shared that with you in confidence and I have learned that you shared it with others. Would you please help me understand how that happened?” The circumstances may be different than you imagined.
Because we care so deeply about things and because we spend so much time together, it is a virtual certainty that church people are going to be hurt, at some point, by other church people. We can choose not to be offended —which sometimes requires self reflection and honest communication — or we can let the offense rob us of our right to be joyful as Christians. Offended people offend other people, or they withdraw to be insulated from hurt. Neither aspect is a picture of a healthy and happy church.
So, the next time someone calls you a lovely lady, refuse to be offended. If you are a woman, ask, “Why wouldn’t I be called ‘lovely?’” If you are a guy, well, the speaker clearly has a problem. But don’t make it yours by taking offense!
Jim White ([email protected]) is executive editor of the Religious Herald.