I'd like to tell you about my Ann. She is autistic, and she is the bravest person I have ever met. Sometimes she disappears, and I can find her in bed under all the pillows, or under the loveseat in our living room. Those are places that make her feel safe.
Bruce Powers
Much of the world feels like a danger zone for her. She is extraordinarily sensitive to loud sounds and chaotic movements, and has difficulty with social situations. We felt like the worst parents in the world when we realized that preschool and church programs were overwhelming and frightening to her. Trying to put her in the middle of a class full of busy, noisy kids was like someone shoving you towards a roaring chain saw.
We found ways to help Ann avoid some situations and adapt to others. But we are the pastors of a church, so staying home wasn't an option, nor could we change everything at church for one child. So, we asked our church family for help. It turned out that we didn't need to change programs — we just needed understanding.
I don't have enough room to fully communicate the way our church responded, but the results were amazing. Teachers allowed Ann to retreat when she needed to, and people didn't take it personally when she seemed to ignore them, but most of all they showed that they understood her and accepted her. In just a few weeks, church went from another scary place to an exciting destination, and the sadness that had dominated my child for so long lifted. Looking back, I think she sensed that everyone was frustrated with her. Now, with a whole church encouraging her and loving her as she is, Ann is able to control her anxiety enough to stay engaged at church and enjoy it. She has decided that her job is hugging everyone, and just last month she sang My Favorite Things at our talent show. It has been miraculous.
There are a lot of special kids out there, and a lot of parents who have difficulty staying connected to church because of the challenges they face. I know churches are not equipped to deal with significant special needs, but I think we need to educate ourselves. These children and their parents desperately need to be understood. Not only do they deal with the challenges of various issues and disorders, but on top of that people stare, whisper, judge and avoid. There is a tremendous amount of anxiety and frustration involved, huge challenges to overcome, and these families need the support of a faith community. We cannot let ignorance and fear make our churches just another source of fear and rejection. Let's do all we can to make our churches places where everyone can feel understood and accepted. If we can gain understanding, we can see just how special these children are.
A few days ago, Ann announced, “When I grow up, I want to be a superhero!”
You already are, Ann. You already are.
Bruce Powers, whose column appears monthly, is pastor of Westhaven Baptist Church in Portsmouth. Contact him at FaithShapers@gmail.com . Other parenting resources are available from Diane Smith (diane.smith@vbmb.org) of the Virginia Baptist Mission Board's emerging leaders team.