Because of its symbolic nature, baptism is very hard to explain to children. They often see baptism as some sort of magical event that draws their attention and activates their powerful need for inclusion. It is the duty of the church to approach the issue of children and baptism carefully and thoughtfully. It is easy to get excited that someone of any age desires baptism, but I think we can all agree that a baptism undertaken without understanding can become anything from meaningless to an outright negative. In this column and the next I would like to tackle what I consider to be the two most important issues related to children and baptism.
The first thing we need to realize is that children are driven to find out what good boys/girls do. They like to please the adults in their lives and have built-in radar for expectations. This is so powerful that childhood morality has little to do with absolute right and wrong, and is primarily based on what the core social group encourages (study, for instance, the example of children trained as guerrillas or terrorists). Therefore, it is no surprise that many children sense the desire of their church family to see them baptized.
I clearly remember realizing that everyone thought it was time for me to be baptized, and though I had paid close attention in Sunday school and knew all the right answers, I had no idea what was going on or what I was supposedly committing to. I did, however, know that everyone was really excited. I expect that's true for many children. They sense that it is expected, and they want to be “good.”
Often, when one child is baptized, the others notice how much attention and excitement is generated, and there will be a flurry of inquiries. In talking to many of these children, I found that the interest was mostly from seeing that it was a big deal and wanting to be part of it.
When we have these conversations with children, we must be careful. It is easy to hear what we want to hear. If they are church kids, they know what we want to hear. A few more questions beyond, “Do you want Jesus to be your Lord and Savior?” will often uncover a lack of understanding, and we should encourage children to continue learning without dampening their desire to be included.
This is a tricky thing. Many parents fear that putting a child off will quench his/her desire to be baptized. That may be true, but our real concern should be the desire to be a disciple. I don't think baptism determines whether or not the Holy Spirit is working on a heart. My typical approach is to encourage children while also giving them assignments, such as learning more about commitment or obedience. This opens up great opportunities for teaching both at church and at home.
Next time we will discuss our approach to teaching what baptism really is.
Bruce Powers, whose column appears monthly, is pastor of Westhaven Baptist Church in Portsmouth. Contact him at [email protected] . Other parenting resources are available from Diane Smith ([email protected]) of the Virginia Baptist Mission Board's emerging leaders team.