As our children enter adolescence, they are beginning a phase of searching that will last through much of their young adulthood. There are a number of developmental, physical and psychological reasons for this phase, but for our purposes the key is that their minds are now fully functional. With the limitations of childhood thinking now gone, teens are able to think in more abstract, analytical ways.
Bruce Powers
This is a great development, because it allows them to ponder the deep questions of faith and theology. It allows them to explore possibilities and wonder about identity and purpose. It also allows them to see inconsistencies in their lives, which is why they can be so difficult. The children that were so easily indoctrinate because they assumed we were always right are replaced with teens who must be convinced because they assume we are always wrong.
Many parents and churches make the mistake of discouraging or fighting against this phase. Yes, it can be trying, and even upsetting, but it is perfectly natural. Our goal should be to make this stage work for us. If we have successfully moved through the previous phases of spiritual formation, our youth will have a solid foundation of Bible knowledge and a long-standing sense of belonging at church. This previous training allows teens to turn their new mental abilities toward gaining true understanding of the gospel, whereas starting from scratch with a naturally skeptical adolescent will be very difficult.
Here is the one thing parents and church workers must hold on to: the searching phase is necessary. Many families and churches try to put a stop to the questioning because it seems heretical or disrespectful. Jesus was never afraid of questions, and I think we should have enough confidence in our religion to believe it will hold up under the scrutiny of anyone. I remember as a youth having some serious questions about what I had been taught, and I knew that I could never breathe a word about my doubts in church. Everyone in the youth group just seemed to know you didn't say things like that. We don't want our youth and college-age members to think they have to hide. Questioning is good — for all ages. Without the questions and searching, we cannot find our own answers and develop our own faith. Borrowed faith rarely stands up to the test of time.
It is our duty, as we train up our children, to help them through this phase instead of driving them elsewhere. If a young person must have a crisis of faith, wouldn't we rather be there to shepherd him or her through? Most leave home and have that crisis without our help, which is one reason so many fall away from church during the college years. Even though it may be frightening, let's embrace the search and be a part of it. On the other side is a faith that is personal, owned and vibrant. That's worth a bit of turbulence, isn't it?