On the way to work one morning this week I was praying to God to let me hear his voice. I frequently get so distracted by all the other things in my life that I get fuzzy headed and feel disconnected from God. I feel close to him one day and then the next I’m off in left field again. So, this morning I just started praying; “Please say something. Help me hear you. I can’t hear you through all the noise in my head.”
Lisa Cole Smith
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Then, I rambled on telling him what I would like to hear. Somehow, the word “rejoice” broke through and stopped my mental chatter. I thought, “Rejoice? That’s it? Gee thanks. Rejoice about what?” And I immediately felt stung by my own words. “Rejoice about what?” Really? I can’t think of anything to rejoice about?
I know that’s not true. I know that God is providing for our church community in generous ways. I know God is working powerfully in people’s lives. Our congregation’s giving has allowed us to move confidently forward in a way that most churches our size would find difficult. Local artists have stepped up in leadership to spearhead joint programming with the church and ironically have the question: “how can we get the church more involved?!” We’re starting new missional and discipleship groups and, we’ve started new initiatives in worship. The list goes on and on!
So, why am I not constantly rejoicing? Why is my response “rejoice about what?” I believe God was trying to get my attention and was glad when I questioned why it is difficult to rejoice because he wants more for me and our congregation than contentment and “things are going well.”
God wants us to rejoice! Big time! Because that is the proper response to God’s activity in the world and it is what the people we are called to serve respond to. I needed to ask the question “why am I not rejoicing?” because I was missing the party.
God made it clear to me that there are things I need to let go of in order to be free to rejoice. It’s been six years since we started our church-plant/restart/outreach to artists/ministry at Convergence. We’ve tried going down one path and then changed directions – many times.
People have come, gotten deeply involved with our community, found a place in my heart, experienced great transformation and then…left; sometimes under fair circumstances and sometimes foul. Regardless of the reasons, the need to mourn loss is the same.
And, for every new initiative or exciting project we take on more work, stress and logistics are added which can lead to a feeling of never really getting anywhere. At least, that’s how it feels when I don’t stop and take stock. I have had many moments when I wondered what in the world we were doing only to catch a glimpse of God’s plan and get excited all over again. And that roller coaster of joys and sorrows, if not properly honored builds up into walls and exhaustion that doesn’t allow room for much rejoicing because it is wary of positive things and good people knowing that the other side of gaining is losing.
So, I realize that I need to process these things. I need to go back and really celebrate the accomplishments and honor the people I have been blessed to know who have been foundational for this journey. I also need to mourn the failures, the losses and the costly lessons learned. Then, I have to give that all over to God and be fresh and new, ready to be completely vulnerable and dedicated to what he has in front of me right now with no walls between me and rejoicing.
While our mission may be unique, I’m sure the need for rejoicing and the walls that block it are not. Maybe you have some walls that need to be torn down as well. Maybe you have experienced loss or frustration or confusion. Maybe you are weary from changes and small attendance numbers or lack of volunteers. Maybe church staff have made decisions that you disagree with or have not lived up to your expectations. Maybe someone in the congregation has hurt your feelings or gotten on your nerves one too many times. If so, I hope you’ll embrace what God shared with me and take time to process those things, seek reconciliation and let it go in God’s hands so that you too can be really ready to rejoice.
I’m taking this time before Advent to laugh and cry and thank God for every single experience. I’m ready to take that final step to cleanse the past and open myself up to rejoice.
Lisa Cole Smith (lsmith@convergenceccfnet) is pastor of Convergence: A Creative Community of Faith, a Baptist congregation in Alexandria, Va.