This is the final in a five-part fictional story set in the early 1990s about Rev. Paul Graham and his congregation, Grace United Church of Christ. In previous episodes Tommy Branson, a gay man and a lifelong member of Paul’s congregation, contracted AIDS. In spite of his fears about this brutal disease, Paul offered compassionate pastoral care to his parishioner. Although the situation created discomfort and some conflict, Paul’s congregation responded with grace to Tommy and his family throughout his illness and death. As a result, a growing number of gay people begin to visit Grace Church, where they were warmly welcomed by the congregation, including a gay couple named James and Brad.
After some small talk, Brad said to Paul, “James and I have come to your office today to ask you an important question. We realize our request could put you in a difficult situation, and we apologize for that. But James and I love each other very much, and we want to make a formal and public commitment each other. We obviously cannot get legally married, but we still want to exchange vows. And we want to exchange our vows in our home church. We are both people of deep faith, we both love this church, so we hope to have our ceremony here. So, we want to know, can you and will you perform the ceremony for us?”
Paul, shocked by the request, responded honestly, “I’m not sure.”
Early the next morning, Paul went to visit Glen Hightower, council chairperson. He explained Brad and James’ unusual request. Although Glen had progressive views about homosexuality, he realized how volatile this issue could become.
“I’m sure you are aware, Paul, that this could split Grace right down the middle. Our folks have no problem welcoming gay people into the congregation. But seeing two men walking down the center aisle of their church, exchanging rings and vows, and then kissing each other in the sanctuary? That’s a whole different story.”
“I realize this will be a major challenge,” Paul replied. “But it’s also an opportunity to fully live out our identity as an open-minded, grace-filled, progressive congregation.”
“But at what cost?” asked Glen.
“But at what cost?” asked Glen.
“I’m not sure,” Paul replied. “But it won’t come cheap.”
In the end they agreed this decision could not be rushed. Instead, they decided to ask the church council to put together a task force to consider the request and its ramifications. After 10 weeks of grueling study, dialogue and debate, the task force gathered to finalize their decision. Paul felt nervous as he walked into the conference room. Tonight the task force would make a final decision on Brad and James’s request. But it’s far bigger than that. This is about our core identity and our future as a congregation.
As chair of the church council, and co-chair of the task force, Glen called the meeting to order. Everybody knew the stakes.
“Brenda and I decided we would begin by sharing our personal thoughts with the group.”
Over the next few minutes, Glen shared his reasons for supporting Brad and James’ request. Brenda then shared her reasons for not supporting the request. Paul already knew Brenda opposed the request and the vote would not be unanimous.
“Does anybody else have anything to add?” Glen asked.
Nobody spoke. Glen said, “I’m going to ask our pastor to share his final thoughts on the matter, and then we’ll take the vote.”
Paul passionately argued that Grace should grant the request. He concluded, “When we bless heterosexual unions but refuse to bless homosexual unions, we make our gay members second-class citizens. It’s patently unfair and goes against our core values as an open-minded and grace-filled congregation. On the other hand, if we grant this request, we make all of God’s children in our church equal, and we live up to our best instincts and values. As your pastor, I strongly encourage you to approve this request by our brothers in Christ, Brad and James.”
Glen said, “Does anybody else want to say anything?”
After a long moment of silence, Glen said, “I think we’re ready to vote.”
Brenda responded, “I think we should vote by secret ballot. That way we can all vote our conscience without worrying about what other members of the group think of us.”
Although Paul didn’t like it, the group agreed to take a secret ballot.
After everyone turned in a ballot, Glen and Brenda carefully counted the votes.
Glen paused a moment, then shared the results. “Six in favor of the request, five against, and one abstention.”
Paul was devastated.
After a long silence Glen said, “Technically, the motion passes. But clearly we are not of one mind on this. Pushing the church to make a decision at this time is fraught with risk.”
Joyce Thurman, a fairly new member at Grace and an open lesbian, said, “It’s no secret to any of you that I support Brad and James’ request. However, it seems clear to me that doing so could do great damage to our church. I love this congregation, and I don’t want to see that happen. Perhaps we should put this issue aside for a while and revisit it again in the future.”
Several other members of the group shared similar feelings. A consensus was clearly building. Paul’s anger intensified by the moment.
Glen finally said, “Paul, I know you want this. So do I. But I think Joyce and the others make a good point.”
Brenda then added, “The fact is, Grace is not yet ready for this.”
Paul went ballistic.
“I can’t believe what I hear all of you saying. I’m fed up with the church of Jesus Christ saying, ‘We are not yet ready for this.’”
“When abolitionists demanded that Southern churches denounce the evils of slavery, the church said, ‘We are not yet ready for this.’
“When Martin Luther King Jr. and other civil rights leaders asked Southern churches to join them in the Civil Rights Movement, the church said, ‘We are not yet ready for this.’
“When gifted and called women sought to serve the church as clergy, the church said, ‘We are not yet ready for this.’
“And now, when gay children of God who love Jesus and love each other ask the church to bless their love, just as the church does for everyone else, the church says, ‘We are not yet ready for this.’
“So I want to know, when the hell will the church ever be ready to do the right thing?”
“So I want to know,” shouted Paul as he slammed his fist on the table. “When the hell will the church ever be ready to do the right thing?”
Paul abruptly stood up and said, “I’m deeply disappointed with all of you.” With that he picked up his notebook, stomped out of the conference room and slammed the door behind him.
The task force group didn’t know how to respond. They never had seen their pastor behave like this. It stunned them all. For years, even in difficult circumstances, Paul always kept his composure and handled himself diplomatically.
Finally, after a long moment of awkward silence, Glen said, “It seems to me the wisest course of action is to table the motion for the time being. I’ll get back to Paul after he cools down, and we’ll talk about what’s next.”
Everyone in the group concurred with Glen’s recommendation. Just as they prepared to leave the room, the conference door opened, and Paul walked back into the room.
“I owe all of you an apology,” he began.
Later that night, Paul called his best friend, Bill. “You won’t believe what just happened.” For the next 20 minutes, Paul vented to his friend.
When Paul finally came up for air, Bill said, “Paul, have you ever seen the play Fiddler on the Roof?”
When Paul finally came up for air, Bill said, “Paul, have you ever seen the play Fiddler on the Roof?”
“Are you kidding me?” Paul replied. “I’m pouring out my guts to you, and you want to know if I’ve ever seen Fiddler on the Roof?”
“Hear me out,” Bill replied. “Have you seen the play?”
“I’ve seen the movie.”
“Then you remember the multiple scenes of Tevye, the devoted Jewish farmer who says, “On the one hand … on the other hand.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“When his first daughter wants to marry a poor tailor, Tevye says, ‘On the one hand, he’s only a poor tailor. On the other hand, he is an honest and hard worker.’ In the end Tevye gives his permission for them to marry.
“We then see a similar scene play out when his second daughter falls in love with a politically minded radical. ‘On the one hand … on the other hand.’ The scene ends with Tevye sending his daughter off on a train to Siberia to be with the man she loves.”
“So, what’s the point?” Paul asked impatiently.
“I’m almost there.”
Bill continued the story. “Finally, Tevye’s third daughter falls in love and wants to marry. However, this time, it’s not a poor tailor or a radical political thinker. This time it’s a Gentile, a non-Jewish Christian. This is more than Tevye, a lifelong devoted Jew, can tolerate.
“For a moment Tevye tries to be open-minded. He says to himself, ‘On the one hand, my daughter loves him. On the other hand, how can I turn my back on my faith, my people? If I try and bend that far, I’ll break. On the other hand … No! There is no other hand.’”
“If you push them too hard on this right now, they won’t just bend; they will break.”
Bill then said, “Paul, I understand your frustration. But you’ve asked your church to bend too far on this one. If you push them too hard on this right now, they won’t just bend; they will break. I know you don’t want to hear this again, especially from me. But the hard truth is, Brenda is right. They aren’t yet ready for this.”
“However,” added Bill, “This is not the last chapter of the story. These are good folks. You’ve said so yourself, over and over again. Eventually they will come around. Be patient with them. Just because you’ve lost this battle doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve lost the war. Give it some more time.”
Although Brad and James were unhappy with the decision to table their request for a ceremony in the sanctuary, they didn’t leave either. As they explained to Paul, “We appreciate you too much to walk out on you. And, in spite of its imperfections, we also love Grace Church. We’re here for the long haul.”
During Paul’s tenure, Grace Church never held a same-sex union ceremony, at least on the church campus. However, Glen eventually brokered a compromise.
Paul told Bill about it at their next lunch gathering. “Glen Hightower, our church council chair, managed to get the church leaders to agree that I can perform same-sex ceremonies but not on church property. Although the agreement certainly doesn’t satisfy me, it’s sure better than nothing. So last week I officiated at my first gay union, for Brad and James.”
Many years later, long after he left Grace, Paul received a phone call from an old friend.
“Paul, this is Glen Hightower from Grace.”
“Good to hear your voice, Glen. How are you doing?”
“I can’t complain much. What about you, Sarah, and the girls?”
“We’re all doing fine.”
Glen said, “I have some news I want to share with you. A few months ago, just a couple of weeks after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, Grace celebrated a gay wedding. The proud couple was Brad and James. I found out today it was the first gay wedding in the state held at a church. The ceremony, celebrated in the sanctuary, was packed with members of the Grace congregation. I thought you’d like to know.”
Paul couldn’t help but smile.
Martin Thielen
Martin Thielen, retired United Methodist minister and writer, is the creator and author of www.DoubtersParish.com. The stories in this series come from his novel An Inconvenient Loss of Faith, available for free download at his website.
Previously in this series:
Searching for Grace: A necessary ending
Searching for Grace: First Sunday