I believe in God, the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth,
And I am against abortions,
And I am against homosexuality,
And I am against women in leadership in the church,
And I believe every word of the Bible,
Even though I have never read many of them,
And I believe every word of the Bible is literally true,
Except the parts about selling all you have and giving to the poor.
And I believe in Jesus Christ, God’s only Son, our Lord,
Except for when he says to love your enemy, especially if they are Muslims.
I believe Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried.
He descended into hell, whatever that means.
On the third day he rose again from the dead.
He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father Almighty.
From there he will come to judge the living and the dead, especially those people who believe differently than me.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church
(Well, I don’t really believe in the “catholic church” in either the Roman or the universal sense. I prefer to think of the church as limited to people who think like I think and believe what I believe.)
I believe in the communion of saints (again, please note, this includes only those saints who believe like I believe), in the forgiveness of sins, my sins anyway, but not necessarily the sins of others, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting.
Amen
(Note: writing is one of the ways I work things out in my mind. I wrote this tongue-in-cheek satire when my frustration kept rising with regard to what was really important to some Christians. We say we believe the Apostles’ Creed—well, at least some people in some denominations do—but then we keep adding stuff to the basics. The older I get, the more basic I have become. 1) I believe the words of the Apostles’ Creed. 2) I believe the name God gave to Moses is perfect: I AM WHO I AM. 3) I believe I need grace. Thus endeth the note. Marion Aldridge)