On June 14, Dozin’ Donald Trump will celebrate his 80th birthday; and although he can’t seem to stay awake for much these days, the 47th president will be eyes wide open that evening as he hosts a UFC cage fight at 1600 Penn in the heart of our nation’s capital.
Because nothing screams “class” quite like bread and circuses, right?
As construction crews “erect” a giant wrastlin’ ring just a stone’s throw away from where the former East Wing lies in rubble, I already smell the overcompensating stench of testosterone and misogyny in the air.
J. Basil Dannebohm
With preparations under way, the administration is taking precautions when it comes to optics.
After the “Rededicate America” and “Great American State Fair” flops, the “Department of War” is hoping to fill seats by offering tickets to members of the armed forces. However, as Daily Kos reported, “No fatties or poor allowed near Trump.” To be eligible to attend, military personnel “MUST MEET CURRENT WAIST-HEIGHT RATIO.”
Given the amount of beefcake being served up at the birthday bash, it’s a safe bet that sycophants like Trump’s Little (Mike) Johnson and Lindsey Graham will be in attendance — and all smiles.
For years I’ve wondered about 45/47’s peculiar Village People super-fan status and that bizarre dance he does (and his base emulates) where it looks like he’s simultaneously servicing two guys. It all made sense to me when he outlined the plan for his swingin’ birthday soiree, which likewise helped me to understand why the tough “guise” of the Bro movement affectionately refer to him as “Daddy.”
As America celebrates its semiquincentennial, our “unequivocally” selfless commander-in-chief couldn’t think of a more “fabulous” way to celebrate his birthday, which coincides with Pride Month, than by having a bunch of sweaty, well-sculpted, muscle men rolling around on the South Lawn of the White House.
“Let’s hope the Grindr tech support team is ready for Flag Day in Washington.”
Let’s hope the Grindr tech support team is ready for Flag Day in Washington.
The location-based rendezvous app designed specifically for the LGBTQ community frequently experiences massive usage spikes and outages during large conservative political events, to the point where the company’s executives have jokingly dubbed these gatherings the app’s “Super Bowl.” The phenomenon gained widespread attention during major events such as the 2024 Republican National Convention in Milwaukee and the Charlie Kirk memorial service in Phoenix where massive, sudden concentrations of users flooded the app in the respective geographic areas.
“Hottest” nation, indeed! Hail, and happy birthday, Queen Donnie!
As a staunch ally of the LGBTQ community, I must say I am impressed at how MAGA really came through for Pride 2026. It certainly beats the hell out of last year’s sparsely attended “military might” parade.
Here’s hopin’ the only rain in D.C. that evening will be MEN!
Hallelujah, a-men.
J. Basil Dannebohm is a writer, speaker, consultant and former state legislator who divides his time between Kansas and Washington, D.C.