“Hey, me too.” That’s what a beloved church member said to me as we were leaving the sanctuary last Sunday after our All Saints Sunday observance. Having him say those words stopped me in my tracks. They made me feel…
‘Marker events’ leave scars whether visible or not, psychologist explains
Marker events — especially the scary ones like the assassination of John F. Kennedy, 9-11 and Hurricane Ida — always leave some form of an emotional scar, even in those who weren’t physically present for the trauma, according to clinical…
I’m a white pastor, learning from Black Christians about grief without privilege
At twilight, a few hundred community members gathered in the church parking lot for a prayer vigil. Just a few days before, a senseless incident of road rage cast our city into grief. A young mother was driving home late…
Regathering for worship, processing our pain and remembering our baptism
As a pastor who is trained in both social work and ministry, I have been thinking about how to offer collective pastoral care to my congregation as we process the pandemic together. The COVID-19 pandemic has been a difficult season…
Remembering Robin Williams and wishing we could talk openly about suicide
This week, Robin Williams was trending on Twitter. He died by suicide in August 2014, five months after my late husband died the same way. Side note: When someone takes their own life, the correct verbiage is to say they…
After COVID: Where do we go from here?
After 14 months of strict isolation and quarantine, vaccines are finally rolling out across the country with snowballing momentum. As of April 19, every American age 16 and older is eligible to receive a vaccine to protect against the COVID-19…
On the wings of prayers that are mute
In a time not that long ago, I would have been seated in a church pew or standing behind a pulpit delivering a sermon. This morning, I’m not at church and it does feel strange, although there are reasons. My wife,…
When the dying stops, will we remember to address the multiplied grief of COVID?
Among the many innovations to emerge from the coronavirus pandemic is this sad rubric: The COVID-19 Bereavement Multiplier. Ashton Verdery, associate professor of sociology and demography at Pennsylvania State University, led the study that created the Bereavement Multiplier, which estimates…
Four ways to help others through grief and mourning amid social isolation
“Good Grief!” This expression made famous by Schultz’ Charlie Brown is not going away. Neither is grief. Grief is a reaction to loss, often in the death of a loved one. There are stages to grief, but not all who…
Get ready for the COVID ‘anniversary effect’ this week
Outside my window, green shoots peek from the ground that was frozen just a couple of weeks ago. Warm air greets me like an old friend, and tree buds are biding their time until they explode open in pops of…
What we’ve lost
The losses we’ve experienced due to coronavirus are both horribly easy to count — 465,000 dead in the United States alone — and yet invisibly painful. Especially for communities of faith, the relational losses often go unreported. Yet in conversation…
Understanding the trauma and finding hope after the siege of the nation’s Capitol
As I reflect on the violent attack on our nation’s Capitol, words that continually linger in my mind are “trauma” and “hope.” Still, why would I write about the siege of the Capitol when so many have already written eloquently…