Dear Jimmy,
While your uncle is outside fumin’ about the garden, I’ll take a few minutes to bring you up to date about what’s been goin’ on around our place. First, it appears that sometime before sun-up, that the big vegetable garden your Uncle Orley worked so hard on and was so proud of was brutally attacked by a vicious band of rovin’ rabbits. At least that’s what he figures since when he went out soon after it got light some of the little varmints were still there feastin’ on the collateral cabbage damage.
Jim White
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Your poor ol’ uncle was nearly beside hisself when he came back in the house all in a huff to fetch his shotgun vowin’ to commit multiple counts of premeditated hareicide. I would never say such a thing to him, so I’ll thank you to keep this to yourself, off the record as they say, but I could almost swear I heard him say, “I’ll get you, you wascally wabbits.” I haven’t heard any shotgun blasts, so I reckon the bunnies have given him the slip. I’ll keep you updated as new information filters in; don’t I sound just like a reporter?
Well, our other big news, such as it is, involves a simple case of not payin’ careful attention on my part. I was in the middle of mixin’ a cake when it hit me that I needed a couple of eggs. Since it was about time for me to make my daily visit to the henhouse anyway, I figured to get my two eggs from those I fetched from the chickens. I was halfway down the back steps when I got the notion that I might’ve left the icebox door open, so I turned around to go back up.
Well, my ol’ feet are not used to dancin’ the quick step and they got all tangled up and down I went. Your uncle heard me holler and he come a-runnin’. I guess I musta whapped my noggin pretty good ‘cause when I come to he was a-bendin’ over me all excited like. And my side was a-painin’ me somethin’ fierce. When he saw I wasn’t dead, he ran into the house to fetch his cell phone. Did I tell you he got us both cell phones?
Well, quick as a geriatric wink he was back with the phone askin’ me real agitated like, “What’s the number of 911?” At that point it dawned on me that it might be safer to call an ambulance than ride with him to the hospital.
To make a long story short, the ambulance folks put me on this flat board and carted me off to Orderly and Aides Memorial Hospital where after sittin’ a spell and takin’ x-rays they figured out I had cracked ribs and a head knock. To be safe, they said I needed to stay overnight so they could observe me. That gave me kind of an uneasy feelin’ thinkin’ hospital folks were goin’ to spend the night “observin’” me. Kinda made me hesitate to go to sleep for fear I might embarrass myself some way.
Well, they treated me right nice and fed me real good and for dessert I had a piece of cake which reminded me that I still didn’t know if I shut the icebox door. Well, anyhow, what I really wanted to tell you about is what happened the next mornin’ when our deacon, bless his heart, showed up right when the doctor was a-feelin’ of my ribs.
Now our deacon, Calvin Bumpus, is as good-hearted a person as there is in this world, so I know he just didn’t know no better, but he came a-bustin’ right in and caught a sight of me that will make it hard for me to look him in the eye when I see him at church.
Well, to his credit he left as quick as he came in and let the doctor finish givin’ me a once-over before they let me go home. But soon as the doctor left, back he came, but this time he knocked real timid like, and even though I had a mind to leave him standin’ there, Orley let him in.
Since I was too flustered to even look at him, he and Orley carried on a conversation like as if I was back home bakin’ my cake. He asked what I was doin’ in the hospital and when Orley told him, he said, “Oh, my. That’s bad business. My cousin’s wife had almost the exact same thing happen to her and within a month, she was dead.”
Well, at that all the color drained right out of Orley and I thought I was goin’ to have to get out of bed so’s we could put him in. Calvin continued, “Well, it wasn’t the bump on the head that done her in. It was the stuff infection she picked up in the hospital that killed her.”
Hardly pausing for breath and still talkin’ in Orley’s direction, he went on. “You’re both real lucky she’s gettin’ out of this place. If you don’t pick up a germ that’ll kill you the food they serve is sure to. Besides that, a body just can’t rest for all the pokin’ they do. She needs to be home, Orley, that’s for sure.”
Before either of us could think of a thing to say, Calvin looked at his watch. “Would you look at that. I was on my way to meet the fellers at the truckstop for breakfast and thought I’d whip in for a minute since I pass right by here anyhow. Waitin’ for that doctor to get done has put me off my schedule.”
Then, turnin’ toward me but lookin’ at the wall, he said, “You know how much you mean to all of us, Miss Ida, so we’re a–prayin’ for you and if there’s ever anything we can do to help, you let me know. I’ll see you Sunday in church.” And, with that, Calvin was gone. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on him ‘cause he came real quick, but I just wish he’d been a mite more careful in makin’ his visit.
As for me, my head is fine, my ribs still hurt and I have no sign of a Staph infection. Seems like maybe our deacons could stand a little teachin’ in the art of hospital visitation. I’d mention it to our pastor, Brother Bobby, but your uncle has taken care of that already!
And, speakin’ of your uncle, this just in. He says that it was the deer that did the damage. Their tracks are all over the place.
I hope you’ll come visit us soon. We won’t have many vegetables to share, but we may have some venison.
Love as always, Aunt Ida