Altarego: Hey, Pewboy, I didn't know you were a golfer? What's your handicap?
Pewboy: (Without breaking his concentration on the ball on the tee before him) Those who have played with me claim my handicap is no particular aptitude for the game. I prefer to think of it as lack of practice.
Altarego: (Watching Pewboy's drive slice wildly to the right) I see what you mean.
Jim White
Pewboy: (Wincing) Well, that was the last ball in this bucket and I'm through for the day. I guess I can forget the PGA tour after all. (Noticing Altarego's raised eyebrows, he continued) I read where with his tournament winnings and endorsements, Tiger Woods will pull in a cool $100 million this year. I can't see that he is 100 times as good as I am, so I figured I ought to be able to earn about a million.
(Pewboy waited to see if any words would spill from Altarego's open mouth and sensing finally that his gaping orifice signaled only amazement, he continued).
Maybe golf isn't what I should be doing. I also read that Oprah Winfrey gets $260 million a year to talk on TV. That doesn't begin to count her other income streams.
Altarego: (Finding his voice at last) That's incredible! One person? Why, for the entire year of 2006, all 1,406 Virginia Baptist congregations reported total receipts of $276 million. To be fair, 332 churches didn't bother to report. Still, to consider that one person's salary for a year is roughly the same amount as 1,074 Virginia Baptist churches put together is mind-boggling.
Pewboy: You're right! I need to practice interviewing people. I can do that! I can just see the money rolling in.
Altarego: Whoa! Before you start spending the millions you want to make, let's talk. What is going on in your befuddled brain?
Pewboy: (On a roll, now) And that Simon fellow on American Idol? The one with the bad attitude? He makes $45 million a year! Hey, I can be rude with the best of them! Want to hear some others? Judge Judy makes $30 million a year. Is she even a real judge? Why, even Katie Couric, brings home 15 million bucks a year. And Michael Vick used to make about $13 million before it came out that he went to the dogs and started losing his endorsements.
Altarego: (Holding up his hands) Stop! What is going on with you?
Pewboy: Truthfully? I need money. I am ashamed to admit it, but I've adopted a lifestyle about three leaps ahead of my income level. Missy and I have been using our credit cards to buy what we needed and now I've suddenly realized that I don't know how I'm ever going to get out of debt. Even if I sell everything I don't absolutely have to have, it will still be years before I can even hope to break even.
Altarego: (Moved by Pewboy's sudden display of vulnerability) I can see you are really depressed about this. How can I help?
Pewboy: Got your checkbook? (Then waving a dismissive hand) No, I need more than that. I need a new way of thinking.
Altarego: What do you mean?
Pewboy: Well, I guess I have been thinking that Missy and I ought to be able to have the same kinds of things other folks have even though they make more money. I need to come to terms with our level of income and what we can realistically afford. But, truthfully, I don't understand how things got so mixed up in our culture.
Altarego: Go on, my boy. What do you mean?
Pewboy: Well, why is it that movie stars and athletes and people on TV get paid millions of dollars and the people who have the responsibility to educate the next generation of Americans in our schools get peanuts? Something is wrong with this picture.
Altarego: Although I agree completely with you, we have little power to change the way things are on that score.
Pewboy: I guess you are right. So I guess I have to start with me, right? (Continuing without waiting for a response from his companion) I am paying so much to credit cards in finance charges every month that it almost equals my payment. At that rate, I'll never get ahead. I feel like a slave whose hands and feet are bound by plastic!
Altarego: Pewboy, think theologically. What lessons does your faith teach you about your circumstance?
Pewboy: I know, I know. Believe me. Nobody has to tell me that I'm behind in my giving to the church. I feel real guilty about it, but I just don't see any way I can tithe. I hear people say “You've just got to start tithing and you will discover that you have money enough to pay all your bills” or “When you tithe, you will get unexpected money through the mail!” But when I tithe, I just get further behind and I feel more guilty than ever because it seems there must be something wrong with my faith.
Altarego: I'm not doubting the value of trusting God in our giving, but I'm not really talking about tithing. What else does the Christian faith say to someone in your financial situation?
Pewboy: (Pausing for a moment) You mean like stewardship?
Altarego:More or less, but I was really referring to learning to be content with what we have as Paul described. And I had in mind living with a sense of God's presence so we make purchases that please him. Or consider that when we are enslaved to something else, we are unable to be authentic servants of the Lord.
You are certainly not the first to have these problems. Credit counselors have been God-sends to thousands who have learned first to stop digging the hole deeper by further spending. Then they learn how to live more frugally and to fill the hole in little by little.
You are right, it will take time but there is hope if you get some help. So what do you think?
Pewboy: Well, I think there is something wrong with a society that pays these pampered athletes millions and millions of dollars for playing! And teachers hardly make enough to get by on! I ask you again, what is wrong with this picture? What can we do about this injustice?
Altarego: OK. If you really feel that way the only answer is for all of us to stop paying to go to games and to boycott sporting events on television. As long as we keep supporting the system that pays athletes these astronomical salaries, nothing will change.
Pewboy: But I just got a new 52-inch flat screen HD TV with surround sound so I could watch the games.
Altarego: Hmm. I think I am beginning to see what's wrong with the picture.