Emotional intelligence is crucial for achieving leadership success. It enables us to truly connect with our teams. Without emotional intelligence, we may overlook many unspoken cues.
As defined by Mental Health America, emotional intelligence refers both to comprehending your own emotions and to understanding those of others.
God provides guidance on managing emotions and relationships through Scripture. Here are some verses that can assist us in strengthening our ability to handle emotions wisely.
Froswa’ Booker-Drew
Emotionally intelligent leaders read the room before responding. According to Romans 12:17-21, if someone has wronged us, we don’t seek revenge. Matthew 18:15-17 advises that if a fellow believer causes harm, we should approach them directly to discuss and resolve the issue. They may listen and make amends, and we can reconcile. However, if they refuse to listen, we should bring one or two unbiased people to mediate so there are witnesses and accountability, and we can try for resolution again.
Likewise, in the workplace, if someone offends you, go to them directly using “I feel” statements to share your perspective and allowing them to respond. If that fails, involve a trusted coworker or human resources to help address the situation. But it’s crucial to try resolving it yourself with the individual first.
Emotionally intelligent leaders understand they cannot change people. As leaders, our role is not to change our team members. Rather, we help guide each individual to become the person God intended them to be.
This requires we understand our staff on a personal level. While they may hold worldviews that differ from ours, our aim is to love and exemplify behavior that reflects our Christian faith. As Romans 15:7 says, “Accept one another, even as Christ also accepted you, to the glory of God.”
Emotionally intelligent leaders listen to those with wisdom. We can build emotional intelligence by learning from people who demonstrate emotional regulation. The goal is not to seek those who suppress their emotions, masking their pain in silence. Rather, we want to find individuals who deal with their emotions in healthy, positive ways.
Ask others how they have developed self-awareness and empathy for others. We never should be too proud to request guidance and help (see Proverbs 13:10). Many of us have heard the saying that we have two ears and one mouth because we should listen more than we speak.
Emotionally intelligent leaders ask clarifying questions. “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man doesn’t produce the righteousness of God,” says James 1:19-20.
Emotionally intelligent people observe people. When I was in a previous job, my team completed an evaluation to determine our behavior during times of success versus times of stress. It proved incredibly beneficial because it helped me better understand how to support my team members.
One employee exhibited identical responses whether she was at ease or under duress. Her consistency was perplexing at first since I couldn’t tell when she felt overburdened. But I learned there was a distinctive look in her eyes signaling the shift between the two states.
Without closely observing her amid the hustle and bustle of our work, I risked losing her. I needed to recognize this to ensure her success. As leaders it is important to study our team members. We are stewarding them to walk into their God-given destiny, and without an understanding of who they are, it’s difficult to make progress toward that goal.
Emotionally intelligent people understand their emotions, especially their triggers. In one of my favorite books, Leadership for the Disillusioned, author Amanda Sinclair examines the leaders of Enron and WorldCom, two major corporations that collapsed due to unprincipled and power-hungry leadership. Sinclair documents the difficult upbringings of these leaders and shows that because they did not address the wounds of their pasts, they recreated a narrative that wrecked the lives of thousands.
They were unaware of what triggered them, which is common among leaders who lack self-awareness. Ecclesiastes 7:9 states, “Don’t be hasty in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.” Anger has damaged many leaders because they did not take time to think, pray and respond.
“Many are arrogant, and they surround themselves with people who inflate their egos. This is perilous.”
Emotionally intelligent leaders embrace humility. Leaders must be open to criticism. Many are arrogant, and they surround themselves with people who inflate their egos. This is perilous.
We require individuals in our circle who don’t just applaud us but who provide constructive feedback. It’s vital that we resist taking offense, listen attentively, and make amendments.
“Pride goes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall. It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor, than to divide the plunder with the proud,” says Proverbs 16:18-19.
Leadership requires humility. This doesn’t mean we don’t have expectations of others or we don’t hold them accountable, but it does mean we recognize the gifts and value of those with whom we work. We are partners, not superiors.
When we invest in our teams, establishing a vision with clear, measurable goals and open communication, our potential for success is limitless. As Jesus said in John 13:14-17, “If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should also do as I have done to you. Most certainly I tell you, a servant is not greater than his lord, neither is one who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”
Jesus, the ultimate leader, is the model of humility and service.
Jesus knew he had power and authority as a leader. But he did not abuse this power. Instead, he used his influence to encourage others and inspire them to use their God-given gifts and talents.
Some leaders have trouble supporting the success of others because their own unhealed wounds and insecurities make it difficult for them to see the potential in others. Strong team members will not flourish under weak leadership. If your team is having problems, you may need to reflect on your leadership approach, how you see your team, and your understanding of power.
Froswa’ Booker-Drew is the founder of Soulstice Consultancy providing philanthropic guidance, community engagement strategies and leadership development for companies and nonprofits. She is the founder of the Reconciliation and Restoration Foundation, a nonprofit designed to amplify, support and fund the work of Black-led nonprofits. She is also an adjunct faculty member at Tulane University and a research affiliate at Antioch University. She is the author of four books and is the cofounder of HERitage Giving Circle.
This column is excerpted from her latest book, Front Porch Wisdom ©2025, and is used here by permission of InterVarsity Press. www.ivpress.com.