By George Bullard
How do you help people who are stuck in your congregation become unstuck? How do you free them to continue their life journey with joy? In a previous post entitled, “When sticky church becomes stuck church,” I suggested people who become stuck in your congregation “need to either leave or make major changes in their attitudes and behaviors.”
For some people the idea of wanting stuck people to leave their congregation is not a good alternative. It is not Christ-like. I agree. I also know from more than 40 years of ministry that seldom do stuck people become liberated from their spiritual and emotional positions. Seldom can they serve with joy once again within their current congregation. Too often they poison the Christ-like congregational culture for others.
They can cause the whole congregation to become stuck, dysfunctional and declining. Their defensive position is one of control rather than leadership. It is not the ideal. It is, however, often the reality.
One simple truth is for stuck people to become unstuck they must be open to becoming unstuck. Too often they are not. When this is the case stuck people need permission to leave. Congregations even have the power to bless them in their leaving.
That being said, what if you choose to come alongside stuck people in your congregation with the aim of freeing them? Can you? Are they interested? Or is that your agenda for them? Is it possible it is you who needs to rethink your perspective on stuck people, your congregation and its convictions and commitments?
Thoughts about freeing stuck people
First, for you to decide that someone else needs to be freed from their subjective positions and a lifestyle that is stuck, means you decided you are the correct one and they are not. This is your initial mistake, and is unlikely to work. You must begin with an adult-to-adult relationship that places each of you in an equally credible role.
Second, if you commit to helping people you perceive are stuck, then you are committing to a possible long-term, in-depth dialogue, and not a simple quick decision-making or persuasion encounter. Are you truly ready for this? Are you open to having your own position challenged and changed?
Third, what you need is not debate. Not discussion. You need holy dialogue that seeks God’s discernment. Such dialogue helps you and stuck persons develop a positive relationship and clarify many issues.
Fourth, are you and the other person or persons clear about the issue or issues at hand? Are you each clear about the theological foundation for your principles and positions on the issue or issues, and can you clearly communicate these to each other?
Fifth, are you in touch with the personal background and cultural captivity which each person brings to the dialogue? Why do you personally hold your viewpoint?
Sixth, are you willing for the dialogue to have prayer integrated throughout a season of discernment? Are you willing to pray with one another? Are you willing to pray that God’s holy will might be fulfilled through your dialogue? Are you willing to pray that the health and strength of the congregation is a higher goal than for your viewpoint to become the predominate viewpoint within the congregation?
Seventh, the simple fact you have such a holy dialogue, unless it is totally confidential and everyone involved is fully committed to confidentiality, can raise the intensity of conflict in the congregation. Any public dialogue must be by mutual agreement of the participants in the dialogue knowing that part of the risk is a higher intensity of conflict in the congregation.
Do you have time?
Redeeming or freeing stuck people takes, time and energy and diverts the attention of the congregation for a season. Do you have time to do this? Are you willing to slow down or halt the process of transition and change in your congregation to obtain greater consensus in the congregation?
While people who are stuck are definitely persons of worth created in the image of God is live and to love, do you really want to take the time, energy and diversion of forward progress to free them? Are they worth the effort in the overall congregational system? Is it not better the majority prevails and the stuck people leave?
This is a tough choice. You have to decide. I cannot decide for you. What you decide will have long-term implications for the character and nature of your congregation.
This is the 22nd in a series of posts on congregational vision. To see all the posts go here. The next blog post in this series is entitled, “Is Sunday the most segmented day of the week?”