HARRISONVILLE, Mo. (ABP) — Wade and Nellie Paris of Harrisonville, Mo., already know the blessings of adopting children from a different culture. Now they know a second round of blessings as grandparents to international adoptees.
In 1971, they adopted 7-month-old Susan from Korea. Then in 1975, they adopted another Korean girl, 5-year-old Sally. They also have two biological sons.
When son Scott and daughter-in-law Lori learned they couldn’t have children of their own, they turned to adoption — a son from the Philippines and two Korean daughters.
Being adoptive grandparents has been a joy for the older Parises, who saw their own parents as role models. “Our parents didn’t have any fears about our adopting international children. We were older when our children were born. They [their parents] were happy we weren’t having any more of our own,” Nellie Paris said, chuckling.
Another set of grandparents of international adoptees — Larry and Carole Zahnd of Kansas City, Mo. — had to provide a statement to the adoption agency their children used (something not all such agencies do). “They require grandparents to state how they felt about it and if we could accept the child as an equal to a natural-born child,” Carole Zahnd explained.
Daughter and son-in-law Elizabeth and Tim Bergfeld adopted two Russian children through a South Carolina agency. “They discussed the option with us, and we were all for them doing it,” Zahnd said. And although geography separates the families, the Zahnds try to see their grandchildren four times each year.
Both the Zahnds and the Parises believe they treat their natural and their adopted grandchildren equally and encourage other grandparents to do so as well. They encourage grandparents to avoid using adoption to explain away behavioral issues and to just treat them as children.
“As a practicing lawyer, I handle a lot of adoptions," Larry Zahnd said. "You treat them as natural born…. Try not to say, ‘They’re adopted,’ as an excuse for their behavior.”
“Just love your children and grandchildren,” Carole Zahnd added. “Don’t make any distinction: just nurture them and love them.”
The Parises agree. “We would encourage couples who are considering adoption and their parents,” Nellie Paris said. “What you find out is children are children. Treat them as any other and make no distinction. They have all been a real joy to us.”
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Vicki Brown
is associate editor of the Missouri Baptist Word & Way.
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International Adoption: It’s more than just a hot Hollywood trend
International Adoption: Celebrating an adopted child’s cultural heritage
International Adoption: Long journey from Kazakhstan orphanage to Baylor
International Adoption: Family finds love in Korea — three times
International Adoption: Texas family listens to God, adopts Ethiopian child