By Elizabeth Evans Hagan
I got a thank-you e-mail the other day from one of my friends who does not regularly attend church. She signed the message: “Love, your favorite heretic.”
This is a friend with whom I often talk about the mysteries of life, and the topic of recent conversation between us was, “Do you think that Jesus ever swore?”
Though seemingly an odd question, it probably came up because of our own growing use of certain “unmentionable” words in the freedom of our friendship — not in a directed way toward any person or God (this is a important distinction), but in the direction of life’s darkest tragedies, the times when a horrible situation needed a strong word. For, we’ve recently seen those we love journey through death, prolonged illness and other very unpleasant circumstances. We’ve asked the timeless question of “why?” with some four-letter words.
While many of you might question my logic in participating in such a conversation (aren’t pastors supposed to be above all this?), what bothers me the most is my friend’s need to label herself as a “heretic” in her authenticity.
When I later asked her more about what she meant by this term, she spoke of her perception of Christians and their churches that she had encountered throughout her life. Unwritten expectations for ethical behavior such as:
- Don’t drink, at least in public. If you go to the liquor store, get in, get out, and don’t talk to anyone!
- Dating and sex don’t mix. If you engage in it, act like you don’t.
- Don’t live with a partner until you are married. If you do, then certainly this is not a topic to bring up with your pastor in pre-marital counseling.
What I am learning more and more is that people both outside the church (and often within it, too) are coming to understand faith as a necessity for life, but they have little patience for the idea that being a Christian means morphing into something they are not.
Of course there are standards for Christian living that emerge from the story of Scripture. Speaking harshly toward God’s name is never a good idea. Don’t drink to the point of being drunk. Self-control is always God’s gift for us at the right time. Seek forgiveness and make peace with God and others. And, above all, remember that Jesus is Lord.
However, my concern for the church is that, even in the more moderate and progressive communities, we are still clinging to our fundamentalist notions of behavior — as if, when we get to heaven, the most holy among us will get extra stars for never having said “#%&!”
My friend and others like her want community, hope for the future, instruction about who God is and some vision of what God can mean in their lives. But often, I fear, they can’t hear the good gospel story because they are already turned off to a life of rules they aren’t sure are that important anyway.
If we want to see such God-seeking folks in our pews, we might need to reconsider business as usual.
What if we spent less energy ridding our congregations of our least favorite sin, and instead, gave ourselves fully toward the hard work of building a gospel community? What if we welcomed studies and classes with discussions of complicated issues, even if there weren’t straightforward answers to offer at the end? What if we, as pastors, courageously reflected our own faith questions, spiritual struggles and fears in spaces of church life where such would be appropriate ministry?
I need to be friends with the “heretics,” and they need me, too. We need each other to figure out how God is unconditionally expressing love toward us — more than we could ever imagine.
Occasional swearing and all.