By Leah Jackson
Stacy was in love. Her heart belonged to Ray. Both were Christians and tried to live a celibate life. She was the leader of the dance ministry and a faithful member of her church. Sunday worship, Tuesday Bible study, and Thursday and Saturday rehearsals were her weekly routine.
A few days before she was engaged, Stacy discovered she was pregnant. She was devastated. Seeking guidance and direction, Stacy and her fiancé met with church leaders. Stacy was sat down (i.e. removed from leadership and forbidden from dancing during her pregnancy). She left the meeting broken.
There are other women like Stacy. Some are required to apologize publicly. Others are kicked out of the church. And even more are being sat down. We ostracize, abandon, condemn and reject these women.
In Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, Hester Prynne was forced to display an “A” on her clothing to identify her adulterous status in 17th century Puritan Boston. Women are still being labeled today. We may not place the letter on their clothing, but we keep them in their place — on the fringes of the church.
Scripture is often used to argue that leaders like Stacy should be held to a higher standard. Although there is a heightened expectation of leaders, the standard must be applied equally. The treatment of some women who get pregnant out of wedlock is unjust.
This story is perplexing. Was Stacy punished because she got “caught?” The majority of singles sitting in the pews have either had sex or are having sex.
Pre-marital sex is punished more harshly than other sins. A gossip is not required to publicly confess. A bad-tempered man is not ejected from the community. Nor is a habitual liar sat down. The church is called to show no partiality, but it fails miserably.
How does your church handle leaders that get caught in sin? Does it ignore the offense? Or does it seek to discipline the offenders?
Isn’t the church called to extend God’s love? If so, we undercut our purpose for the sake of maintaining a standard. Is it more important that people feel loved or that we raise the banner of perfection?
Jesus loved the sinner. The Samaritan woman had been divorced five times and was living with her current boyfriend. Instead of branding her, Jesus ministered to her. He gave her attention, instruction and hope.
The church needs to minister to these women. Many like Stacy are devastated, but the church pushes them to the fringes in their time of need. It punishes them severely and separates them from the congregation. Where is the love in that?
The teaching and actions of Jesus call for the church to love these women as ourselves. What would Stacy long for? To feel heard, to know she matters, to interpret her circumstance in light of her faith, to be guided and to be given hope. This is what Jesus gave the Samaritan woman. This is what the church owes Stacy and all sinners.
Many churches struggle with this issue at some point. But there are ways that a church can respond that reflects God’s love. Anything that involves public humiliation, kicking a person out, or prohibiting them from serving is the wrong response.
The church should remember John 8. The scribes and Pharisees brought to Jesus an adulterous woman. Jesus reminded them of their frail and flawed nature. He said, “he who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” Two thousand years later, the church is still throwing stones.
There is no easy way to address this issue. Whatever the response, the church should create a system that can be applied equally to sin. Until the church is willing to brand all sinners with the appropriate Scarlet Letter, it needs to pack up its equipment and focus on something more important than discipline or punishment — grace.