I’m thinking about authenticity. It seems to be a theme right now in my life—in relationships, in church, in community, in relationship with God. People often say they are looking for authenticity but I’m wondering what we actually mean by it. If I am always “authentically” myself there will be times when I say or do things others really don’t want to see or hear. Things I may even regret later. In fact, being authentic can be kind of embarrassing. But maybe that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
In 1989, Italian filmmaker Claudio Fragasso made Troll 2, a B-movie horror film that was quickly voted by audiences and critics alike as the “worst movie ever made.” Shot in Utah using mostly amateur actors, a hard to follow story line and low budget special effects, it turned out to be a joke—a joke the actors regretted terribly after it was released. Some abandoned acting altogether, others hid it from their résumé and all suffered a huge blow to their egos as they watched their performances in embarrassment and confusion.
Lisa Cole Smith
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Until 20 years later. In 2009, Michael Stephenson, the 8-year-old star of Troll 2 discovered that this horrible secret of his past had become a “cult classic.” Not only were people still watching the movie 20 years later but groups of people were getting together to watch it—reciting lines, acting out parts, bonding over this worst movie ever made.
Transcending the horrible special effects and bad acting, the audience was drawn in and moved by the genuineness of the characters and the actors who play them. They were won over by the fight for the survival of something pure if not flawed in the depiction of this movie family and therefore of this film. This odd little horror movie about vegetarian trolls trying to turn a family into plants so that they can eat them, touched people.
Perhaps one key to why it resonates with fans is the lack of cynicism prevalent in so many independent films made today. The audience likes the family and cares for them, rooting for their survival and for a filmmaker with an idea that he can’t quite pull off. The sincerity of it, the authenticity of the effort is a breath of fresh air in our CGI world. It is the authenticity that saves the day; that has transformed this forgettable movie into a meaningful community experience all over the world. In fact audience members share it in an “almost a religious way.” One fan described his experience to his friend saying, “I just watched this horrible movie and it changed my life. You have to see it!”
I’m not sure why this little phenomenon is so interesting to me. I guess as an actor I sympathize with the cast and their disappointment at the results of their efforts. But it also resonates with me as a pastor. It’s an odd little “hmm” in the midst of trying to understand the culture in which I live in order to minister effectively. And the idea of authenticity keeps surfacing.
While I often hear talk about being authentic in relation to evangelism, I wonder how often it comes up in conversations about worship and being church. Usually the buzz word I hear in worship planning and programming is “excellence.” Some churches have managed to be successful by pouring great energy and resources into the form of church and, like big budget box office movies, manage to bring in a crowd. But what would happen if we were more willing to take risks with form in order to let substance shine through? What if we are missing the opportunity for genuine, life changing experiences that can only happen when the messy stuff bleeds through?
Authenticity challenges me. It is tempting sometimes to slide into a cynical form of thinking, one that lives in fear of the idea that “the customer is always right” and plans and prepares to attract or keep people happy and engaged in church. As an actor and as a pastor I’ve learned that I have to do the homework and be prepared, but when it comes to entering into an intimate experience of playing a character, conveying a message, or developing a relationship, I have to let everything go and just be present. My goal is sincerity, not excellence. I have to trust the Holy Spirit to work regardless of what I do or say.
The problem with authenticity is it reveals who we really are. If we are not completely in love with Christ, it shows. If we don’t bring all of our heart, mind and soul, it shows. And then what do we leave people with to fill the desperate need for authenticity in the world? Phenomena like Troll 2? We can do much better than that.
Lisa Cole Smith ([email protected]) is pastor of Convergence: a Creative Community of Faith, a Baptist congregation in Alexandria, Va.