Baptist News Global
Sections
  • News
  • Analysis
  • Opinion
  • Curated
  • Storytelling
    • Faith & Justice >
      • Charleston: Metanoia with Bill Stanfield
      • Charlotte: QC Family Tree with Greg and Helms Jarrell
      • Little Rock: Judge Wendell Griffen
      • North Carolina: Conetoe
    • Welcoming the Stranger >
      • Lost Boys of Sudan: St. John’s Baptist Charlotte
      • Awakening to Immigrant Justice: Myers Park Baptist Church
      • Hospitality on the corner: Gaston Christian Center
    • Signature Ministries >
      • Jake Hall: Gospel Gothic, Music and Radio
    • Singing Our Faith >
      • Hymns for a Lifetime: Ken Wilson and Knollwood Baptist Church
      • Norfolk Street Choir
    • Resilient Rural America >
      • Alabama: Perry County
      • Texas: Hidalgo County
      • Arkansas Delta
      • Southeast Kentucky
  • More
    • Contact
    • About
    • Donate
    • Associated Baptist Press Foundation
    • Planned Giving
    • Letters to the Editor
    • Advertising
    • Ministry Jobs and More
    • Transitions
    • Subscribe
    • Submissions and Permissions
Donate Subscribe
Search Search this site

Raising a lover – not a fighter

OpinionNatalie Aho  |  November 20, 2012

Chances are you haven’t met my almost five-year-old, except for those obligatory readers from my extended family (hi mom!). I happen to think he’s amazingly brillant and brilliantly amazing. I’m sure this is why he has a healthy self-esteem.

Patiently Waiting

Every now and then someone who doesn’t have kids yet will ask me what we did to make him turn out so wonderful (because they only see him at his very best). And I have to answer what every parent out there would say, “I’m not exactly sure (I’m just barely put together at the moment, and it’s probably not from yelling at him to hurry into the car).”

We did our share of reading parenting books to prepare (a few of my favorites) – of course, we’re the kind who also have books on how to buy your first house and train a golden retriever. I also have a degree in education with two and a half years of psychology courses that should count for something. Add in twenty years of babysitting and childcare work, and surely we weren’t going to screw him up too badly.

I know when I was pregnant, I had all of these plans: he wasn’t going to be particular, a picky eater, hyper or loud. And when he was about five days old, I cried over the crib at that squirmy, opinionated newborn who was already particular, picky, hyper AND loud. Despite my best efforts, all of those character traits can still be found. I have reluctantly learned there are things about your children that you just can’t change – it’s nature, nurture, history, genetics, his God-given traits, or etc. You have to learn to live with them and let go (much like a healthy marriage, I might add).

But before you throw your hands up in the air and park your rear on the couch (next to me, mind you), I will share what I think may be the one best parenting decision we’ve made.

When our son was three, we wanted to find a school that offered more childcare than Mother’s Day Out, but we didn’t need as much as full-time daycare (we have done both of those, too). We were lucky enough to find the Little Tree Preschool: “learning to know, learning to grow, learning to live.” Little Tree is a school that focuses on children with autism and other development disabilities. My son is a typical kid.

And it truly has been the very best decision we have ever made.

At the Little Tree, they praise appropriate actions and reactions (positive reinforcement!). Sometimes they practice holding hands, and other times, they sing songs about when to keep your hands to yourself. He is learning to be kind even when someone is yelling at him, patient when he is not the loudest person in the room, and forgiving when someone thinks his arm looks tasty. After a year and a half, he rarely bats an eye when another child has a tantrum, he talks about all the children as his best friends, he knows that everyone learns at their own pace  and he understands that he can be a teacher to someone else as well as learn from others. When he had a meltdown while playing YMCA soccer with his classmates because he couldn’t get a goal, I teared up watching one of his teachers get down on his level, hug him and give him the encouragement he needed. I’m not sure that’s what every soccer coach has a chance to do.

True, we are taking credit for someone else spending 35 hours a week with our son. But I know he’s receiving the kind of care and instruction that is shaping his perspective of others. I would recommend all of us place our children in just such a preschool. If you don’t, however, have a child with a disability, you may not know if you have the blessing of a Little Tree Preschool in your community. I’m truly sad for you, if you don’t.

Holding Hands

But if I’m honest with myself, and you, I realize that we were probably nurturing a lot of these behavior traits already whether it was intentional or not. Maybe there are a few things we parents can do. I would love to hear what you do in your own home.

If I didn’t have a Little Tree Preschool near-by, I would seek out families who have children with disabilities for play dates, and I would invite them to my church. (Wait, is my church inclusive? Another great conversation.) I would intentionally place my child in groups and settings where he was with other children who look differently than him. Actually, that’s good advice for us adults, too.

Ultimately, I realized that parenting should be less about how clean they keep their room (very important to me!), what age they potty train (a late 3.5 for us), or whether they throw a fit in the checkout line (they will no matter what techniques someone tells you). I’m still going to worry about these things from time-to-time, but I’m learning to let go. After all, we’re trying to raise a little boy with a tender heart and a loving hand. That’s enough for me.

 

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)

OPINION: Views expressed in Baptist News Global columns and commentaries are solely those of the authors.
Tags:ChildrenChurchdisabilitiesautismHealth & WholenessbabyLittle Tree Preschoolpotty trainingpregnancyparentingHumor
More by
Natalie Aho
  • Get BNG headlines in your inbox

  • Featured

    • What did Pope Francis say, and what did he mean, in AP interview on homosexuality?

      Analysis

    • Biden administration urged to remove Cuba from list of state sponsors of terrorism

      News

    • Jesus and Buddha are talking with me about loving and blessing my enemies

      Opinion

    • Zimbabwean pastors flee ministry to join more lucrative care work in the UK

      News


    Curated

    • Marvin Olasky Still Wants to Make Journalism Biblically Objective

      Marvin Olasky Still Wants to Make Journalism Biblically Objective

    • Progressive National Baptists to deploy $1 million grant to boost ‘compelling preaching’

      Progressive National Baptists to deploy $1 million grant to boost ‘compelling preaching’

    • Church of England sheds light on ‘shameful’ slave trade ties

      Church of England sheds light on ‘shameful’ slave trade ties

    • Chinese Christians remain in Thailand fearing deportation

      Chinese Christians remain in Thailand fearing deportation

    Read Next:

    Nonreligious young adults say they are more open to religion than older adults, but campus ministers say that’s still a delicate opportunity

    AnalysisMallory Challis

    More Articles

    • All
    • News
    • Opinion
    • Curated
    • Biblical orthodoxy 2023: Sign or get ‘churched’

      OpinionBill Leonard, Senior Columnist

    • Zimbabwean pastors flee ministry to join more lucrative care work in the UK

      NewsRay Mwareya

    • Jesus and Buddha are talking with me about loving and blessing my enemies

      OpinionH. Stephen Shoemaker

    • Biden administration urged to remove Cuba from list of state sponsors of terrorism

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Why most everything you think you know about global migration is probably wrong

      AnalysisMark Wingfield

    • What did Pope Francis say, and what did he mean, in AP interview on homosexuality?

      AnalysisMallory Challis

    • Transitions for the week of 2-3-23

      NewsBarbara Francis

    • Letter to the Editor: Kudos all around for Baptist News Global

      OpinionLetters to the Editor

    • Letter to the Editor: Jesus expects us to follow him; Trump expects us to follow him

      OpinionLetters to the Editor

    • Humor and hope mark the dark journey taken by a creative and brave photojournalist

      OpinionKathy Manis Findley

    • ‘Can you imagine looting the religious artifacts that help strengthen the Christian faith from the Vatican?’

      NewsAnthony Akaeze

    • One year of sobriety

      OpinionGlen Schmucker

    • Panelists discuss how the Hamline University controversy could have been handled better in a diverse culture

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Men’s ministry needs more than, eggs, bacon and football

      OpinionMaina Mwaura

    • Nonreligious young adults say they are more open to religion than older adults, but campus ministers say that’s still a delicate opportunity

      AnalysisMallory Challis

    • Pope Francis arrives in Africa on a two-nation tour seeking peace amid decades of conflict

      NewsAnthony Akaeze

    • The church must show the world a more excellent way of nonviolence

      OpinionRodney Kennedy

    • Museum of the Bible to host Wednesday morning event to pray for God’s judgment on America, and breakfast is not included

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • National Prayer Breakfast gets new sponsorship but still looks like government-sponsored religion, BJC leaders say

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • del Toro’s Pinocchio is a tale of faith that is not wooden

      AnalysisRick Pidcock

    • Ministry jobs and more

      NewsBarbara Francis

    • Zimbabwe Theological Seminary names new principal

      NewsBNG staff

    • What happens when church and state merge? Look to Nazi Germany for answers

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Church historian Richard Hughes reflects on a lifetime of ‘Troublesome Questions’

      OpinionTed Parks

    • Reverend Roboto: Artificial intelligence and pastoral care

      AnalysisKristen Thomason

    • Zimbabwean pastors flee ministry to join more lucrative care work in the UK

      NewsRay Mwareya

    • Biden administration urged to remove Cuba from list of state sponsors of terrorism

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Transitions for the week of 2-3-23

      NewsBarbara Francis

    • ‘Can you imagine looting the religious artifacts that help strengthen the Christian faith from the Vatican?’

      NewsAnthony Akaeze

    • Panelists discuss how the Hamline University controversy could have been handled better in a diverse culture

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Pope Francis arrives in Africa on a two-nation tour seeking peace amid decades of conflict

      NewsAnthony Akaeze

    • Museum of the Bible to host Wednesday morning event to pray for God’s judgment on America, and breakfast is not included

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • National Prayer Breakfast gets new sponsorship but still looks like government-sponsored religion, BJC leaders say

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Ministry jobs and more

      NewsBarbara Francis

    • Zimbabwe Theological Seminary names new principal

      NewsBNG staff

    • What happens when church and state merge? Look to Nazi Germany for answers

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Southwestern Seminary student arrested for alleged ‘felony sexual assault’

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Trial date set for Patterson and Southwestern versus Jane Roe

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Faith groups must fight online hate, Interfaith Alliance urges

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Colorado cake maker back in court, this time for refusing service to a transgender woman

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • For every critic of Jesus and John Wayne there are many more positive responses Du Mez says

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Bob Banks, longtime SBC missions leader, dies at 91

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Members of Florida church required to sign ‘biblical sexuality’ statement or be removed from membership

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Eight months later, there’s renewed interest in Adam Hamilton’s video on why he’ll remain a United Methodist

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • 165 religious leaders plead with White House to abandon immigrant travel ban

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Ministry jobs and more

      NewsBarbara Francis

    • Knowing a church’s history on slavery can be a nudge toward redemption, historians say

      NewsJeff Brumley

    • Sandra and Andy Stanley: ‘We’re not perfect parents, but we’ve learned some things along the way’

      NewsMaina Mwaura

    • United Methodists on alert for dissidents ‘poaching’ members and pastors

      NewsCynthia Astle

    • The other speech Martin Luther King gave at Southern Seminary in 1961

      NewsMark Wingfield

    • Biblical orthodoxy 2023: Sign or get ‘churched’

      OpinionBill Leonard, Senior Columnist

    • Jesus and Buddha are talking with me about loving and blessing my enemies

      OpinionH. Stephen Shoemaker

    • Letter to the Editor: Kudos all around for Baptist News Global

      OpinionLetters to the Editor

    • Letter to the Editor: Jesus expects us to follow him; Trump expects us to follow him

      OpinionLetters to the Editor

    • Humor and hope mark the dark journey taken by a creative and brave photojournalist

      OpinionKathy Manis Findley

    • One year of sobriety

      OpinionGlen Schmucker

    • Men’s ministry needs more than, eggs, bacon and football

      OpinionMaina Mwaura

    • The church must show the world a more excellent way of nonviolence

      OpinionRodney Kennedy

    • Church historian Richard Hughes reflects on a lifetime of ‘Troublesome Questions’

      OpinionTed Parks

    • What churches could learn from the Pub Choir phenomenon

      OpinionMike Frost

    • Living into lament: A white response to the killing of Tyre Nichols by police

      OpinionRobert P. Jones

    • Of church cemeteries, pulpit committees, crafts and sweet potato casserole

      OpinionChris Ayers

    • Of Margie, mountains and ‘El Shaddai’

      OpinionBert Montgomery

    • What I learned from meeting Martin Luther King in Louisville and Josie in Hopkinsville

      OpinionBill Thurman

    • On the baptism of our firstborn

      OpinionEmily Hull McGee

    • Has virtual worship actually harmed Christianity?

      OpinionSara Robb-Scott

    • ‘What can we forgive?’: An interview with Matthew Ichihashi Potts on Forgiveness

      OpinionGreg Garrett, Senior Columnist

    • My father’s faith

      OpinionBrett Younger

    • The apology that never came at Bubba-Doo’s

      OpinionCharles Qualls

    • Trump and his allegedly disloyal white evangelical supporters

      OpinionRobert P. Jones

    • Doom-scrolling, sourdough starter and three kinds of kin

      OpinionJustin Cox

    • Putin needs to be taken down

      OpinionMark Wingfield

    • How my eyes were opened to America’s broken immigration system

      OpinionChristian Vaughn

    • Meditating with Buddhists and other Asian lessons

      OpinionBill Leonard, Senior Columnist

    • The Black resistance tradition and its fight for U.S. democracy

      OpinionDavid Gushee, Senior Columnist

    • Marvin Olasky Still Wants to Make Journalism Biblically Objective

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Progressive National Baptists to deploy $1 million grant to boost ‘compelling preaching’

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Church of England sheds light on ‘shameful’ slave trade ties

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Chinese Christians remain in Thailand fearing deportation

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Black police officers aren’t colorblind – they’re infected by the same anti-Black bias as American society and police in general

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Ohio is investigating a Nazi homeschooling network that teaches children to love Hitler

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Omar says some Republicans don’t want a Muslim in Congress: ‘These people are OK with Islamophobia’

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Tyre Nichols police beating video prompts faith leaders to react with grief, goals

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • How Egyptian police hunt LGBT people on dating apps

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • N. Carolina church says it lost nearly $800K in email scam

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • On A Mission To Fill Empty Pulpits: A Couple Addressing The Preacher Shortage

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Second gentleman Emhoff visits Auschwitz, part of a push against antisemitism

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • A Buddhist disaster relief organization offers key support after Monterey Park shooting

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • It shouldn’t seem so surprising when the pope says being gay ‘isn’t a crime’ – a Catholic theologian explains

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • USCCB official: The church must admit its role in destroying Native American culture

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • House bill would limit government authority over religious events

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • ‘He Gets Us’ organizers hope to spend $1 billion to promote Jesus. Will anyone care?

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • The Rise of Spirit Warriors on the Christian Right

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Twitter reinstated white nationalist Nick Fuentes. He lasted 24 hours.

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • In Rare Rebuke, Elaine Chao Calls Out Trump’s Anti-Asian Attacks

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • How Southern California helped birth white Christian nationalism

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Extreme Israeli group takes root in US with fundraising bid

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Review: Decolonizing Christianity

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Two Leaders Of The New US House Could Put Baptist Diversity In The News Spotlight

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    • Making Sweat Feel Spiritual Didn’t Start With SoulCycle

      Curated

      Exclude from home pageBNG staff

    Conversations that Matter.

    © 2023 Baptist News Global. All rights reserved.

    Want to share a story? We hope you will! Read our republishing, terms of use and privacy policies here.

    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • LinkedIn
    • RSS