Somebody is lying. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin examined 116,366 lies told by 632 participants over 91 days. Participants self-reported their lies, which raises the question, “Wouldn’t liars lie about lying?” Maybe that’s why the statistics around lying are unreliable. Telling the truth about lying is hard.
According to the bright people in Wisconsin, 51% of lies are to friends, 21% to family, 11% to colleagues and 9% to strangers. People lie for a variety of reasons: 21% of the lies were to avoid another person, 14% were to protect one’s self, 13% were to look better, 9% were for personal gain and 5% were for no reason at all.
Brett Younger
How often do people lie? 75% of respondents said they do not lie much — zero to two lies per day.
Other studies are more negative, or perhaps more honest. A second researcher suggests people tell 10 to 15 lies a day. According to a University of Massachusetts study, 60% are incapable of having a conversation without lying once every 10 minutes. They claim that when meeting someone for the first time, a person will lie two or three times within the first 10 minutes.
The Journal of Basic and Applied Psychology claims the average American lies three times in a one-minute conversation.
The numbers are all over the place — once a day, once every 3 minutes, or three times a minute. Somebody is lying.
How many of these have we said?
- “You look great in that.”
- “You’ve lost weight.”
- “You haven’t changed a bit.”
- “I only had one beer.”
- “My phone died.”
- “I never got the message.”
- “I’ll get right back to you.”
- “I’m on the way.”
- “It didn’t cost much.”
- “It’s just what I’ve always wanted.”
- “I have no idea what happened.”
- “I’ll try to make it.”
- “I have a headache.”
- “I will never lie to you.”
We are surrounded by lies, but we do not think it is a problem, because we are kind and gentle liars. We do not say things that are clearly untrue about another person, because we do not need to. We have subtle ways to mishandle the truth and get what we want. What makes these ways so delicious is that we violate the principle of telling the whole truth but do so with a mostly clear conscience.
“We are surrounded by lies, but we do not think it is a problem, because we are kind and gentle liars.”
We enjoy a good rumor. Hearsay seems harmless, even though repeating untruths is not much different from making them up. We tell stories in ways that show us in a better light. We find it easier not to say what we actually said, but what we wish we had said: “And then I told her a thing or two.”
We lie when we say things to a person’s face we would not say behind their back: “You’re the perfect one to do this.” We lie by telling half-truths, giving the slant that suits us, and offering alternative facts, while giving the impression we have told the whole truth.
There is a little George Santos in us all. We get careless with the truth. We lie because it is easier than being honest, we don’t want to be embarrassed, or sounding smart is more important than telling the truth.
We do not see how much is at stake when we play fast and loose with the truth. Our words make things happen inside our hearts and souls. Lies make us forget what a gift honesty is.
In The Matrix, Morpheus channels Socrates and says to Neo: “This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more.”
“Lies make us forget what a gift honesty is.”
Morpheus’ speech is a turning point for Neo. If he takes the blue pill, he can go back to his boring, dishonest life; but if he takes the red pill, he can find out what the world is really like. Swallowing the blue pill would make for a short movie, so he takes the red pill. Sometimes we take the easy way because truth can be tough, but truth is where the adventure is.
We will find joy in saying: “This is what I really want to say.” Or, “This may seem odd, but I made a promise, so I’m going to keep it.” Or, “I’ve never told you this before, but this is what I’ve always felt.”
We will find joy in defending the truth. Speaking truthfully for an unpopular opinion is hard, but standing courageously for the truth becomes its own reward. Truth is not only stranger than fiction, it is more interesting.
We ask, “What honest words do I need to say?” and discover truth is a delightful surprise.
Brett Younger serves as senior minister at Plymouth Church in Brooklyn, N.Y.
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