For 21 years of my professional life, I spent my time trying to assimilate into the white evangelical church. As I look back at all those years, I can remember not being enough. I was just enough to get hired and then fired.
My awakening came one Monday morning in June as I sat in an executive pastor’s megachurch office, knowing the gig was up. I was tired of assimilating.
Maina Mwaura
One of the reasons I was being let go was because I decided to post online and stand up for the people of Pulse nightclub in the deadly shooting that led to 49 people being murdered. I can vividly remember him telling me I was being let go both for “not being the right fit” and for the social media post regarding Pulse — which wasn’t theological but expressed empathy for the victims.
At that time, I couldn’t understand it, but I knew deep down I never was going to assimilate again. I remember an older gentleman telling me I was made for more and one day I would be interviewing giants. I had no clue what that meant when he said it.
I had tried everything to fit in at this church and others where I was on staff, even sacrificing who I truly was. I love the story of Moses, known for being the man who decided he was going to set his people free from the oppression they found themselves in. Moses was setting them free from having to assimilate.
What’s interesting about assimilation is that it seems good for us. In fact, in many cases it’s “safe.” I found myself going from church to church trying to climb my way to the top, from one large church to another larger church. Assimilation always has us jumping to false goals that aren’t achievable. Meanwhile, we’re denying ourselves the person God has called us to be and do.
Ed Newton’s new book, Why Not You?: Believing What God Believes About You, makes it clear that Moses eagerly jumps into the fray in his own flesh to break up a fight in Exodus 2, leading him to murder. Moses’ courage to move in his own flesh led him into trouble. As Newton points out, it isn’t until Exodus 3 that Moses discovers what happens is not in his power but God’s.
“Evangelical assimilation always gives us a false sugar high,”
Evangelical assimilation always gives us a false sugar high, denying the spiritual nutrients of faith and courage the world needs to see from believers.
When we decide to assimilate, we’re living in our flesh, which is always costly.
Yes, some good things took place during my time of evangelical assimilation. But that’s the problem: We think because the ends justify the means we’re doing the right thing. Even if it means voting with the group and oppressing others.
As I left the executive pastor’s office that day, defeated and crying, thinking my career was over, I began my new journey as a journalist and storyteller. I realized I was denying the Black man God had made me to be. My career was over, and it needed to be. God was calling me to something greater.
It’s been almost 10 years since I left the assimilated evangelical world. I have interviewed two U.S. presidents, three vice presidents and even a former first lady in the White House. I have executive-produced more than 100 projects. Leaving the evangelical assimilated world allowed me to truly breathe.
We never will be the men and women God has called us to be by assimilating and then lying to ourselves that the ends justify the means. Jesus walked away from assimilating politically and socially with his culture, and we should too.
Maina Mwaura is a freelance writer based in Kennesaw, Ga. He is a graduate of Liberty University and New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary.